Every marriage with children that ends in divorce will produce some level of “was I not good enough” in the children involved. What happens as a result depends upon the maturity of the child, as well as the maturity of the parents.
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Author: Pat Gaudette
What Should A Child Do?
Divorce brings out the worst in men and women. Whether grabbing at straws to keep the marriage intact, or bent on revenge, children of divorce sometimes become the most unwilling of pawns
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One View, Different Visions
As my husband and I drove past some property we own, I asked an innocent enough question: “What’s going on over there?” He responded that one of the tenants was having their propane tanks refilled. That would have been a reasonable explanation except the truck I saw was an air conditioning service van.
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Does Divorce Fit Her Crime?
Xiao Fang is a Beijing housewife who regrets her decision to hire four men to kill her husband’s pet dog. Unfortunately for her, her action has caused her husband to react in a way she never expected: he is divorcing her.
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Ignoring The Obvious
Divorce doesn’t happen overnight. A husband or wife doesn’t just wake up one morning and decide to end their marriage. It may seem that way to the spouse who hears the “D” word for the first time but the truth is that there have probably been some very obvious signs pointing to divorce that have been ignored.
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Stay Or Go: It’s Your Decision
It’s a difficult and traumatic situation to be in: you’re married to a spouse who is abusive or cheating or an addict. Life has lost its luster, every day is just another day in a black hole. This isn’t the way you expected marriage to be yet this is the way your marriage has ended up. You’re trapped.
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Facing Your Fears To Survive
Fear can be absolutely paralyzing. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of living on the street. Fear of losing someone you love. Fear of finding out something you’d rather not know.
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Regaining Control Of Your Life
One of the most stressful times in a dysfunctional marriage is when you know it’s falling apart but you don’t know what to do about it nor do you have any idea what is going to happen to you when the relationship unravels completely. Fear of the unknown gets a tight grip on your life.
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Learning To Fly
Fear was a constant companion when my first marriage was nearing an end; it was a paralyzing fear that lasted for way too long time, interspersed with too many moments of absolute terror. I doubted myself. How could I take care of myself without someone to catch me if I failed?
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Forgiving, Forgetting
I personally believe that people should be forgiven for things they might do that hurt others, if they truly are sorry and seek such forgiveness. Some people could care less and as such they don’t much care if they’re forgiven or not. This isn’t about them.
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The Stay Or Go Plan
You have to believe in yourself in order to get the most from any relationship in which you’re involved. Waiting for someone else to complete “you” is a lost cause. It’s also unfair to place such a burden on your partner.
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Befriending The Inner Child
Some time ago, a husband wrote to complain about his wife. She was abusive, argumentative, demanding. He was considering divorce because he was unhappy with her treatment of him. There was another part to this story and it involved someone from his past, who had never really been out of his thoughts throughout his marriage, who had just recently reestablished contact with him.
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Why My Marriage Lasted So Long
I knew before I got married the first time that marrying the man I did would be a mistake. We had nothing in common, and I can’t even say we were ever friends. We dated off and on for several years and even that didn’t go smoothly. We just weren’t a good match.
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Rethinking Our Concept Of Marriage
On June 10, 1998, at the Southern Baptist Convention’s annual meeting, it was stated that “women should ‘submit graciously’ to their husbands’ leadership.” This is part of the faith’s new statement of beliefs. Part of the new 18th Article of the Baptist Faith and Message reads, “A wife is to submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband, even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.”
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Living Alone
Is the fear of living alone keeping you in an unhappy marriage? Is it better to remain in an unhappy marriage with someone you don’t love than coming home to an empty house? Is fear of not being able to take care of yourself keeping you from taking charge of your life?
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Is She Having A Midlife Crisis?
She wrote to say that she is tired of being in an abusive marriage. She’s tired of telling her husband she needs more and him ignoring her words. She’s tired of trying to make a bad marriage good. She says she used to believe in love lasting forever but now she says she can’t feel any love at all.
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Their Marriage Is Ending, Or Is It?
A friend and her husband have been in the midst of a terminal dance. Theirs has been a flawed relationship for many years but it seemed they had come to terms with their individual needs and that kept the marriage intact.
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Listening To Family And Friends
Does this sound familiar: If you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust? Blood is thicker than water, believe in your family, they want what’s best for you.
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Little Annoyances That Can Damage A Marriage
If I’m ever going to touch a nerve, it will probably be if I ask how the toilet seat should be left after use… up or down. Most men would respond that they don’t have an obligation to place it back down, while most women would say they also don’t have an obligation to restore it to the up position that their man left it in after his last use of the facility.
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Unhappily Married
When Martha met Harold, she was a small town girl who captivated the heart of a handsome traveling salesman. After a quick courtship, and marriage in front of the local justice of the peace, Martha joined Harold as they traveled to places she’d previously only read about.
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The “Right” Thing To Do
It is up to each one of us to make the decision whether we’ll try once more to keep our marriage together or to cut our losses and get out of a marriage that is hopeless.
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Afraid To Stay, Afraid To Go
Susan is in the same place many of you are — trying to decide which is better, staying in a bad marriage, or going out into the great unknown. Her husband has cheated throughout their marriage and she’s at a point of total unhappiness. She’s afraid to leave because of the financial security she would lose and she’s not sure she could improve her life by leaving.
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Decisions To Make
Making the decision to divorce someone you used to love (and may still love) probably won’t happen quickly. It may, but it’s unlikely. You may know something is wrong with your marriage but you can’t quite figure out what. Each day seems bleaker than the day before.
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The 10 Year Renewable Marriage
Something horrible happens to many marriages just after the vows are said: the marriage starts falling apart. Amazingly, the very act of legalizing a relationship can start its downfall.
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Just How Good Was/Is Your Marriage?
Did divorce catch you off guard? Or has your marriage been “on the brink” for a number of years? Have you been “settling” for the “security” of marriage even though you felt your relationship could be better?
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Why Marriages End
When a man or woman walks away from a marriage, their actions may leave family and friends doubting their sanity as well as questioning their motives. What is often crystal clear to the person who leaves is lost to those who remain.
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Changing Your Priorities
Most people who do a Web search on “divorce” are at least considering ending their marriage. They may be at the start of decision-making process or they may be very close to their decision.
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How Long Do You Wait?
This is written for wives. I’m a wife. I understand the concerns. I expect some of you gentlemen to email me with tips I can publish for husbands.
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Why Didn’t You TELL Me!
His wife kept telling him she was unhappy but it wasn’t until she finally filed for divorce that he took her seriously. By that time, it was too late. He says she didn’t tell him she was that unhappy. He says he would have done things differently if she had.
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Continuing Parental Roles After Divorce
An advice columnist advised a woman to attend her son’s wedding and show class in dealing with her son’s demands regarding her role in the wedding reception. In other words, dance with her ex, pose for family pictures, smile whether she felt like it or not, and let the son have his special day. I thought it was pretty simple advice, except that:
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Sex With Your Ex?
Let’s suppose you are divorced, or are in the process of a divorce. There’s just one little problem, sex has never been a weak point in your marriage. As a matter of fact, it probably has been the only constantly good part of the relationship. What do you do?
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Sexual Compatibility
Is sex forcing you apart or keeping you together? While it’s true that sex alone probably is not a strong enough basis for a successful marriage, even the best of marriages will eventually suffer if the sex drives of the partners are unevenly matched.
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Sexual Addiction
Is your spouse ‘super sexed’ or is he or she a sexual addict? Are his or her sexual needs causing problems in your marriage? Is sex with just you – no matter the frequency – simply not enough for him or her?
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Are They “Having Sex”?
A study of teenage sexual activity reveals that teens, and even some pre-teens, routinely engage in intimate sexual activities. When they don’t have vaginal intercourse, they consider they haven’t “had sex” with their partner. Their virginity is intact.
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Men and Women, Sex and Love
Sex and love — or should it be the other way around? The first time I wrote the title to this article it was phrased “Love and Sex.” But we should all know by now that it takes a long time to develop a relationship into one of true love whereas a willing partner is generally the only prerequisite to having sex.
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His Wife’s Midlife Crisis
He wrote: “I am the husband, but just read about male mlc and was amazed at how well it described what my 43-year-old wife of 24 years is going through. she is having such a crisis all her own and i’m desperately trying to hang on to her. Please help.”
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Entering Midlife
There are some birthdays that are more dangerous than others. Turning 40 can be a major shock to men and women and it can start the slide into midlife crisis if they are unable to cope with aging and their own mortality issues.
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Midlife – His
What happens to a marriage when a middle-aged man decides he’s unhappy with his life and the current players? It’s commonly referred to as “midlife crisis” and it puts more marriages in the dumpster than perhaps any other single cause.
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Midlife Crisis and Divorce
The term “midlife crisis” is used to encompass a great many reasons why people do the damaging things they do to destroy their marriage. Midlife crisis is sometimes used to brand any type of unsuitable behavior within a marriage, even if the person is years away from midlife.
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Midlife – Hers
When a middle-aged man dumps his wife for a lover young enough to be his daughter (or granddaughter), it’s shrugged off as an expected part of a certain age. But what happens when a woman suddenly chucks it all in search of answers to “is this all there is?”
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Midlife Crisis Or Opportunity?
Midlife doesn’t have to signal crisis in a marriage and midlife issues probably won’t cause major disruption for the majority of marriages. However, if you are here because your marriage is failing and you or your spouse are middle aged, midlife crisis might be the term that will best describe what you’re going through.
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Divorce at Midlife
Midlife can be a dangerous time for marriage. Some marriages won’t survive. Some marriages will be patched back together but key ingredients will be missing. Some marriages will be made even stronger.
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Midlife Divorce
Having had two marriages end during the “midlife years,” I have a slight advantage understanding why aging has the potential to blow a marriage apart.
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My Today Show Appearance
It’s completely impossible to predict what the future holds. I certainly never would have guessed that I’d be promoting my own book on national TV. All it took was two divorces to get me to the Today Show where Gay Courter (my co-author) and I shared the spotlight with Stephen King and Demi Moore!
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You Have Choices
It is not easy to give up the life and the dreams that you thought were going to last forever, but when your husband or wife is no longer sharing that life and those dreams you have little choice.
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Begging Him (Or Her) To Stay
“I love him and I don’t want to lose him. I am so desperate to save my marriage!” It’s a familiar plea… the need to force a husband or wife to stay in a marriage they’re attempting to flee. Some marriages never should have begun at all while others are built on the weakest of foundations.
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Memories Of The Past
As you work your way through the black hole of divorce, memories of particularly good times that you and your soon-to-be-ex husband or wife shared together will surface. You may hear a song, or find a photo, or someone will say something that triggers the memory. The pain will get deeper, or your anger will grow stronger.
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Bankruptcy And Divorce
Bankruptcy is a very real threat to men and women going through divorce. Bankruptcy may be an embarrassment but it might also be necessary for survival.
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Prenuptial Agreements And Divorce
This was the story: “A ruling by the California Supreme Court may save Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants millions of dollars because of a prenuptial agreement. The ruling on August 21, 2000, reversed a lower court decision that had ruled it was unlikely a trial court could find the agreement valid.”
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Hiring A Divorce Attorney
Divorce is stressful enough without wondering if you have the right attorney. Here are a few tips to help in selecting an attorney:
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