Does this sound familiar: If you can’t trust your friends, who can you trust? Blood is thicker than water, believe in your family, they want what’s best for you.
Are you having to deal with pressure from family to “do the right thing” – make your marriage work, redefine your needs to fit what you’re getting from your spouse, when you’re so brutally unhappy that you just don’t care if you ever see him or her again?
Are your friends insisting that the two of you are just the perfect couple? That you could never find someone again so completely suited to you? Do they insist you’d never make it on your own without him or her to be there as your support? Are your children insisting that you stay with “Mom” or “Dad” because they don’t want you to split up the home?
It’s an understatement to say that coming to terms with the need to divorce is difficult. The difficulty is compounded by those people closest to you who believe they know what’s best for you.
The reality is, only you know what will make you the happiest. Not your mother. Not your father. Not your priest or rabbi. Not your best friend or your cousin with whom you’ve shared every confidence since the both of you were kids. You understand you the best. You will have to live with your decision.
It is wise to listen to the opinions of those people you trust the most. Listen to, but not necessarily follow, their advice. Other opinions help when you’re trying to make such a difficult choice for the direction of your life.
The ultimate reality is that whatever decision you make, it is your decision, your choice as an adult, your life to lead afterward, your responsibility to yourself. If you’re old enough to be married, you’re old enough to be in control of your life. Understand the consequences of all of your actions. Be prepared to accept them, even though not all may be pleasant or preferred.
Sharing the most intimate details of a marriage gone wrong is, in my opinion, something to be done in the privacy of a counselor’s office, not on the shoulder of a friend or family member. Once those details are shared, they can never be erased from memory, creating negative feelings from friends and family, even should you reconcile with your spouse.
Listen to your family. Listen to your friends. Even listen to me. But make your choice by listening to yourself.