You have to believe in yourself in order to get the most from any relationship in which you’re involved. Waiting for someone else to complete “you” is a lost cause. It’s also unfair to place such a burden on your partner.
If your marriage is at the point that you’re trying to justify leaving it, then ask yourself this: Would the quality of my life be better without my spouse? If your answer is ABSOLUTELY YES!! then what are you waiting for? Isn’t your decision made?
For those of you who think life without your spouse might be better but you aren’t sure if you want to risk the life you have in case you’re wrong, let’s see if we can get closer to some answers.
Uncertainty is a major stress maker! So, let’s take a look at what might be making you consider divorce.
The Addicted Spouse: Drugs are number one with him or her. If your life revolves around their drug use, their mood swings, their addiction, then you’re not an equal partner in your marriage. You’re coming in third to their drug of choice.
Don’t let them tell you that prescription drugs aren’t addictive or just as dangerous as the “illegal” ones. They are. Don’t let them tell you they can’t do anything. They can. Just as you can if they won’t. If you don’t want to come in second to drugs, and if they won’t make the effort to kick the habit — leaving won’t make you a loser.
The Alcoholic Spouse: Does your spouse start the day with a drink? Or do they “only drink beer” so there’s no harm done? How much hiding do you do when they’ve had more than they can handle? Do they qualify as a “mean drunk”? Do they hurt you mentally or physically when they’re drunk and then insist they “blacked out” so it really doesn’t count?
You KNOW if alcohol is ruining your life. If you’ve done all you can, if they just won’t let it go, then for your own sake it may be time to leave.
The Abusive Spouse: Physical abuse is easy to spot. It leaves marks most of the time. Mental and emotional abuse is another story and it turns into a “your word against theirs” situation too much of the time.
Domestic violence and abuse of any kind should never be tolerated. As much as they say they love you, as much as they say they’re sorry (if they do say it at all) love should never hurt!
The Cheating Spouse: If you’re sure they’re cheating, are you ready to confront them? Will you be able to handle the consequences of a confrontation? Are you ready to live without them should they decide to move on to their lover? If not, make the decision to keep quiet until you are able to accept whatever happens — or until you’re ready to get out of the marriage.
If you’re cheating and thinking that your lover is a better choice than your spouse, better be sure before you leap. There’s a lot of “sizzle” in having a lover on the side, but will you be able to maintain that “sizzle” when the two of you are together 24/7?
Have you really thought about everything you will lose should you end your marriage? More than your spouse will get hurt – family, friends, social and business acquaintenances all are impacted. How much is your lover worth? Measure what you have before you throw it away because once gone it will probably be lost to you forever.