Sex and love — or should it be the other way around? The first time I wrote the title to this article it was phrased “Love and Sex.” But we should all know by now that it takes a long time to develop a relationship into one of true love whereas a willing partner is generally the only prerequisite to having sex.
The way men and women view sex as well as their corresponding feelings of what constitutes love often causes a great deal of confusion and pain for everyone involved.
Men and Sex (and Love)
If we are to believe the hype, men like sex almost more than they like money. They think about sex all the time. They want as much sex as they can get. They can never get enough sex.
It’s okay for men to think about sex all the time. It’s a macho thing. It’s a man thing. If men didn’t act as though they were thinking about sex all the time, they might be looked upon as less than manly, perhaps even gay.
In other words, men have an obligation to think about sex all the time or at least say they are. Most men judge each other by their sexual conquests as well as their financial accomplishments.
A man never stops being measured by his sexual activity. In many “highly cultured” societies, a young female lover is a measure of an older man’s sexual prowess. Who wouldn’t be impressed at the man’s virility when a 72-year-old’s several decades younger wife gives birth to his child? Probably not his older ex-wife.
Is there too much emphasis on a man’s need for sex? Consider for a moment former President Bill Clinton. His biggest mistake probably wasn’t having sex with someone who wasn’t his wife. His biggest mistake was in getting caught.
Women Who Enjoy Sex
As much as men like sex, many have a problem with women who may share the same sexual appetites. It’s okay for their non-serious girlfriend or their paid escort to be super-charged. These are one-dimensional women. No one thinks of them as being someone’s mother, or sister, or wife.
When it comes to love, a man wants the mother of his children to be “pure as the driven snow” or as close as possible. He doesn’t want to think of her “doing it” with anyone else.
Nice Girls Don’t?
A man wants to enjoy sex, but he has mixed feelings when his wife has a lusty sexual appetite. Is she loose? What kind of reputation does she have? Are there men he doesn’t know (or may know) who think he’s a fool for marrying her?
He wants to be her first and her only. But this brings up a rather peculiar predicament. While it’s okay for a guy growing up to have sex with every girl he can talk into it, what about those same girls when they finally meet a man who is interested in marriage to a “nice girl”? If all the young women said “no,” what would happen to the sexual education of young men?
A few men choose to abstain until marriage. They hope to find a partner who has done the same. It doesn’t always work out that way.
One man wrote: “I am a 23 year old virgin male. She is not. To tell you the truth, it eats away at me to think that she was with someone else (more than one). It actually makes me physically ill. I have always wanted to share that most intimate experience with another like myself. To learn together is a dream of mine. In fact, it was virtually at the top of ‘the list.’ I think about it all the time.”
This man’s obsession with virginity makes his current girlfriend a very unlikely choice for a long-term relationship.
The majority of men don’t confuse sex with love. The majority of women do. Men don’t understand that most women consider sex to be a part and parcel of love, even if they have just recently met a man.
While most men feel no obligation of commitment after a few rounds of sex with a new girlfriend, she may already be thinking of names for their future children. She believed him when he said “I love you.”
I’m not sure there will ever come a time when men and women will think about sex and love the same way at the same time although it certainly would make for less complications if it ever could happen.