Sexual Compatibility

Is sex forcing you apart or keeping you together? While it’s true that sex alone probably is not a strong enough basis for a successful marriage, even the best of marriages will eventually suffer if the sex drives of the partners are unevenly matched.

Sexual compatibility is very important to marriage. If your spouse is happy with four times a year and you’re unhappy with less than four times a week, your relationship is headed for trouble.

Are you wrong? Is your spouse wrong? Neither and both. Marriage is made up of continual compromises. Sometimes those compromises must extend to the marital bed. So must understanding why your partner feels the way he or she does about physical intimacy.

Good Girls Shouldn’t?

If good girls shouldn’t, how does marriage change things? Remember when “good” girls didn’t? And while girls were warned they should put out only after they got that golden ring on their finger, boys were told they should be careful. Girls shouldn’t and boys should be careful? With whom?

Even in today’s society, good girls still don’t. Imagine a woman with multiple sex partners. Imagine a man with multiple sex partners. Which one would you call a slut? Think about it.

If men and women have difficulty understanding each other on simple matters, how can they possibly hope to understand each other when it involves such an important issue as sexual compatibility?

Sexual Expectations

What happens when that “good” girl finally gets that golden ring? Is there a switch the priest or minister turns to “on” during the reading of the wedding vows that will turn her from reluctant virgin to experienced temptress? Even if she has done it, she’s done it knowing she was wrong to do it without the blessing of the vows she has just taken.

The vows are done, the blessings given, the cake cut, the bouquet tossed. It’s her honeymoon night. Ever since she got her first training bra, and listened to her mother lecture about good girls and bad girls and saving it for her husband, she’s dreamed about this night. She’s read books (some trashy books, too), and watched passionate movies. Oh, she knows exactly what she will be feeling!

Is this all there is? There must be a mistake! Wait! What about the passion! What about the…. the…. you know, the way it is in the movies?

Of course, there isn’t much time for passion with the kids, and the job, and keeping a tidy house, and trying to be a good wife. It’s funny how books and movies can seem so real you’d think they were reflections of how things should be.

Midlife Sexual Affirmations

Taking care of family, home and career consume the greater number of prime adult years. There’s not always time for sex, and if there is time, there isn’t always energy for it. So it becomes one of the chores, something that needs to be done, like taking out the trash.
One day there are wrinkles and gray hairs, and it’s your father’s face or your mother’s hands that you see, and you realize there’s a lot that hasn’t been done and not a whole lot of time left in which to do it.

It’s this life! This person who doesn’t understand! This person who keeps clinging and demanding and just won’t move in the same direction! Why haven’t you seen before how little the two of you have in common? How could you have wasted so many years together? Oh, yes, the kids. Couldn’t leave until the kids could make it on their own.

Space! Doesn’t anyone understand the importance of space!?! Someone has to understand! Ah, yes, finally! Someone who understands perfectly! What a wonderful melding of two minds and bodies! What a shame marriage was never this good. And the passion! Passion. Finally!

Mind and Body

Our need for propagation may push us into a marital union that is good for upcoming generations, and that is fine for the human species as a whole. But what about each of us as individuals?

Can we have it all? If we could understand our needs and those of our spouse. If we could communicate without embarrassment. If we could renew the feelings we once had, even though the motivation may have been different.

If we weren’t afraid to try new things to please our partner. If we could overcome the guilt. If we could unlearn our earlier teachings. If we could place less emphasis on quantity and more on quality. If we could relax and enjoy our spouse.

If we could look at our spouse through the eyes of another…