One of the most stressful times in a dysfunctional marriage is when you know it’s falling apart but you don’t know what to do about it nor do you have any idea what is going to happen to you when the relationship unravels completely. Fear of the unknown gets a tight grip on your life.
One way to help reduce that stress is to put together a plan for your future. Let’s take a look at the issues you need to deal with:
Learn To Like Yourself:
If you don’t like yourself, there’s little reason for someone else to like you. You are worth liking. You are worth loving. You are a special person, as are we all. If your husband or wife doesn’t know this or can’t see it, it will be/has been their loss.
Improve Your Financial Situation:
Staying in a bad situation because you don’t have the money to get out? Worried that if your marriage ends, you won’t have enough money to support yourself? Fear of financial failure is a real and valid concern. Not even the best plan may keep you living at your current standard but there are ways to keep yourself from being stone broke.
If your spouse is the one who controls the finances, start now squirreling away money, however small, that you can without causing disruption. It may mean that you put $5 of the grocery money into a safe hiding place, or all of your change into a jar in your closet. Whatever your method, start saving those nickels, dimes, quarters and dollars now.
Whenever money comes into your hands, make some of it stick and put it away for your future needs. No matter how small, having an emergency stash will help when you need it the most.
On a larger scope, try to clean up any outstanding debt so that it doesn’t trail along after you when you’re your sole support. Limit your spending to necessities and pay cash for those things you absolutely have to have. Every bit of debt will keep you from reaching the future financial security you seek.
Get Your Emotions Under Control
You may not have any control over your spouse’s attitude about this marriage, but you do have control over your own. Now is the time to start repairing those emotional wounds within yourself that keep you in a dysfunctional marriage or bind you to a situation that causes pain and anguish.
If you can afford it, get counseling to get yourself on track to what makes you happy. Even if your spouse disagrees with your plan, do what’s best for you. If your marriage is dissolving, counseling may provide the keys you need to put it back together. Counseling may also give you the insight you need to make your breakaway decision a reality.
If counseling is out of the question because of your personal situation, there are books, clinics, and a wealth of information and numerous support groups available online to help you get control over your life. A new mental attitude will work wonders for you.
Make Physical Fitness A Priority
If you’re not physically fit, you won’t feel good about yourself. You don’t need this extra burden to flatten your spirit, so set a goal to get yourself in the best physical shape possible.
If it fits in your lifestyle, join a health club. If a health club is out of the question but you still need motivation to exercise, walk every day with a friend or neighbor. An hour of brisk walking every day or every other day will work wonders for you mentally and physically. Depending upon where you live and your personal schedule, you may find exercise classes on television so you can “work out” in the privacy of your own home.
Don’t let your personal health go by ignoring symptoms that should be brought to the attention of a physician. Regular check-ups are a must whether you have a regular physician or access to the local health department.
Get Support For Yourself
Friends and family can be a big support at this time or they can work against your cause. No one enjoys being around a continual whiner and complainer. No matter how bad your marriage might be, your life is not the only one going on in this world. There is a possibility that the person who listens the most to your sad story may have an even sadder story of their own they prefer to keep to themself.
If you drag the details of your marriage into the open in an effort to get support from family and friends, you may belittle yourself in other’s eyes. If you get family members or friends to take your side in the current situation, what happens should you and your spouse work things out? If you try to draw your in-laws into the fight, do you really think you will remain a welcome member of the family if their son or daughter divorces you? Even if he or she is a complete jerk, at some point, the blood ties will work in their favor.
True friends do not have to know all the intimate details. True friends do not try to force you into confrontations with your spouse. True friends will listen without offering advice they wouldn’t take themselves.
Stay Or Go?
Ending a marriage should be the last resort for a bad situation. In my personal opinion, this wouldn’t apply if your spouse is physically abusive. If you are in a physically abusive marriage and your spouse won’t end the abuse, you can still put together a plan that works toward your freedom by getting yourself financially, mentally and physically fit.
Your decision to end your marriage should be based upon your answer to the question of whether you would be better off with or without your spouse. Only you can make that decision.