Stay Or Go: It’s Your Decision

It’s a difficult and traumatic situation to be in: you’re married to a spouse who is abusive or cheating or an addict. Life has lost its luster, every day is just another day in a black hole. This isn’t the way you expected marriage to be yet this is the way your marriage has ended up. You’re trapped.

If this about sums up what you’re feeling right now, you’re not alone. While some marriages may occur under less than happy circumstances, the majority happen because at least one of the pair has expectations of a happy life together.

Unfortunately many marriages happen too soon in a relationship and many others happen despite warning signals that one partner chooses to ignore. Regardless of why the marriage took place, it did, and now a bad marriage is the reality. You may feel trapped by economics or other circumstances but you do have choices as to how you deal with your current situation.

If your spouse is having an affair you can choose to ignore it and hope it burns itself out or you can gather evidence and confront him or her. If you do choose confrontation have a plan of action for yourself so that you’re protected no matter what he or she chooses to do. Some affairs have been referred to as “exit” affairs?the method one spouse uses to force the other into divorce. Know your options before you act. Have a solid plan of action before you confront. Don’t let it consume you and don’t feel that you have no options, you do. You are in control, it is your choice to ignore or confront.

If your spouse is abusive you can accept the abuse, be the co-dependent, or get help for yourself and strength to leave if the abuse continues. Run away quickly if the abuse extends to your children. Whether or not your children are directly abused they are harmed by seeing you being abused. It is never easy leaving an abusive relationship but there are resources available to men and women who need refuge from an abusive spouse. You again have a choice to either stay and let the abuse continue or leave and get your life back on track.

If your spouse has an addiction to alcohol or drugs you can choose to accept the situation or get help for yourself. It’s unlikely your spouse will acknowledge he or she has a problem and it may be that they will only seek help for themself once you have ended or threatened to end the marriage. Don’t threaten divorce without being prepared to go through with it. If you have children and are having a difficult time making a decision consider what impact the alcoholism or drug abuse is having on their lives. A good first step is to find support for yourself.

There are other addictions that can ruin a marriage: gambling, sex, porn. If your spouse has an addiction, it was his or her choice to become addicted. It is your choice to either accept life with their addiction or life without it.

It isn’t easy getting back control of your life. If it was, you would have already made your decision and you wouldn’t be here looking for answers. It’s hard to let go of a dream. It’s hard to let go of a lifestyle you’ve grown accustomed to. It’s hard to start over. Now you understand your choices. You can continue in your existing role or you can do what it takes to change your life for the better.

Only you can make the choice because only you will have to live with your decision — unless you have children and they also will have to live with the aftermath of your decision.