Making the decision to divorce someone you used to love (and may still love) probably won’t happen quickly. It may, but it’s unlikely. You may know something is wrong with your marriage but you can’t quite figure out what. Each day seems bleaker than the day before.
You may wish your spouse would change so that you could be happy. He or she may not want to change just to please you or need to change to make themselves happy.
You may think that whatever is wrong in your marriage is your fault. Perhaps your spouse has told you as much. Abusive spouses use this method to justify their abuse. It is not valid.
You may believe that if you try harder, everything will work out. And so you try that much harder but nothing has gotten better. You may think there are no valid reasons for leaving a situation that constantly and continually causes you pain, anguish, depression.
You’re at the point where you need to make a decision. Any decision. Making a decision gives you control over your life. It allows you to say “I’m not happy with my life as it is, and I choose to change it! Now!”
Your decision can be as simple as accepting your life as it now is. Live it joyously knowing that you choose to be in your marriage, despite some aspects that could be better. You are now in control because you have made a decision.
Your decision can take more work on your part. You may decide to seek counseling to change your needs to better fit with what your spouse can provide to you. Again, you are in control of your life.
Your decision may be to speak to an attorney to gain the information you need to decide between a legal separation (to give the marriage more time) or a divorce (you are ready to leave regardless of your spouse’s actions). You have again gained control by making a decision and having acted upon it.
Some decisions are more permanent than others. The decision to divorce is 99.9% permanent and sure to cause trauma for you, your spouse, your children, your family, and your friends, for some time to come. I’ve left .01% out of the permanency factor because there are those of you who will divorce and then remarry your ex. (Sometimes it takes a divorce to understand how much you truly love someone.)
Perhaps you need to make your decision in steps, deciding just exactly what you need, want, and will accept, and acting accordingly. Visiting this site may have been step one.
Now, this moment, is the beginning of the rest of your life. How do you wish to live it? Are you ready to make a decision?