Fear can be absolutely paralyzing. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of living on the street. Fear of losing someone you love. Fear of finding out something you’d rather not know.
We face our various fears throughout life. I remember being afraid to stand in front of my fifth grade class and sing a song. But I did, crackly voice and all, tears streaming down my face. So many years ago but the image and feelings still remain. Lots of other fears popped up as I grew up and most I faced successfully, a few I didn’t.
I remember the fear I felt going on job interviews. The fear that kept me a little too quiet to make the best impression, to talk about how qualified I was, to really put forth a positive image.
Facing surgery brings out the fear in a big way, at least for me, because I fear complications, pain, dying. It hasn’t happened so far (any of the things I’ve feared), but that doesn’t prevent me from going through some moments of terror before a calmer “whatever happens” attitude takes over.
I was scared of what my first husband’s reaction would be when I told him I wanted a divorce and it took me a very long time to work up the courage to tell him I was leaving. It was an amazing thing, the fear vanished the moment I told him and I wondered how I could have waited so long. Even though this step put me into the world entirely alone and completely responsible for my survival, the fear was gone. I knew I would survive and I thrived on the challenges.
A couple years later I faced a new type of fear as I attempted to sail my new Hobie Cat catamaran for the first time, alone. Though I had owned it for several weeks raw fear kept me from actually sailing it myself. That day as I sat on the beach and looked at MY boat, I decided it was time. I raised the sail, put on my life-jacket and sailing gloves, pushed the boat into the surf, jumped onto the trampoline and pulled the sail tight. Wind caught the sail and the boat took off. I was actually sailing for the first time in my life!
My elation was soon replaced by terror as I glanced back at the disappearing shoreline and realized I was heading out to sea without a clue how to bring the boat about to get back to shore. My first reaction was to scream, and scream I did, but it didn’t cause the boat to change course or the wind to stop blowing. Once I realized only I could save myself, I was able to calm down and make the proper moves to get myself back to the beach.
I faced another type of terror when I was divorced for the second time. I was terrified of being penniless and homeless and it was that fear that kept me working exceptionally long hours to make sure it wouldn’t happen. For the first time in my life not only was I totally alone, I was also completely responsible for running a business and making it profitable enough to insure my personal financial survival.
When my first marriage ended I had an excellent job that provided the income I needed as well as very good benefits. I quit that job when I married my second husband and became a partner in his business. Managing the business was his strength, not mine, so I needed to quickly develop some management skills when I took over the business when we divorced years later. Fear was the motivator, the one thing that got me up in the morning, that kept me pushing forward.
Dating was a whole new game the third time around and early on fear of being hurt when a relationship ended made serious love not an option. Time has a way of chipping away at stone walls surrounding even the tenderest of hearts. After a few years, fear of losing someone I loved replaced the fear of being hurt and I got married for the third time.
Fear isn’t always bad. How you deal with it can keep you moving forward or glue you to situations and people that are best left behind. Sometimes that fear can even save your life.