Do you remember how you dreaded coming home because you had to face her? Listen to the gripes, the complaints, the accusations? Remember when he’d walk in the door and all you could think of doing was trying to hide? Remember the bad times?
Or perhaps yours was the ideal marriage, the fairy tale kind, and you were joyously in love with every aspect of the life the two of you shared. Only somewhere along the line, it seemed that the two of you weren’t sharing the same dream, and yours turned into a nightmare played out in divorce court.
Divorce happens for a variety of reasons, and it happens in even the best of families. Divorce changes your life forever. What you learn from divorce is that it’s you, babe. Only you. Divorce brings a lot of habits to a conclusion. Suddenly, you have a lot of time on your hands. There’s no one waiting when you get home. The house is quiet. Deadly quiet. You’re alone.
No matter how optimistic you try to be, cooking for one isn’t much fun. So you grab something at the drive thru and eat it in front of the television. And you call a friend but they’ve got other plans. And you call another friend but they’re married and their spouse is uneasy about them going out with you now that you’re on the loose once again. So you wonder what your ex is doing and when you call you get the answering machine. And you feel even more alone.
You cry a lot. You wonder what you did that was so wrong. Because you must have done something wrong to feel this bad. No matter how many people tell you how much better off you are, you want to tell them to shut up and leave you alone because you know you’re not better off. And yet you are. You’ll find that out in time. Those stupid love songs seem to be the only thing the radios play any more. If it’s not stupid love songs it’s awful love gone wrong songs, and boy could you write a few!
There’s no sunshine when you’re first divorced. Strange how it disappears for so long. Has anyone ever been this lonely before? It’s always couples, couples, couples, everywhere you turn. Doesn’t anyone go anywhere alone? You’re tired of your single friends trying to fix you up, and your family trying to cheer you up. You don’t want a cat or a dog or a rabbit or a bird or a fish! And you sure as hell don’t want to meet your cousin Charlie’s second cousin who just got into town. You want your marriage whole again, dammit! And you cry a lot more.
We’ve all been there, feeling the same feelings. Only time heals.