Which stage of divorce are you presently in? Considering divorce but not sure if it’s the right decision? An unwilling participant, your spouse having made the decision? Mired in the midst of legalities? Embroiled in child support and custody issues? Trying to recreate a life for yourself?
No matter which stage you’re in, you may have negative feelings about yourself that you need to deal with. If you have never had the opportunity to test your own independence, you may fear having to assume total responsibility for yourself. It isn’t easy stepping out from under the control of a spouse who takes care of all the day-to-day details.
Sometimes it seems easier to stay in a bad relationship for the security it offers. At some point, even bad relationships reach an ending point and it becomes time to learn how to survive on your own.
Divorce can be a black hole… a place where there are no bright colors or happy times. It can swallow you and make you wish you had an easy out. You’ll work your way through it and eventually emerge stronger and more confident than ever before. But it takes time. And sometimes you need a little inspiration, something to motivate you to keep going.
Sometimes You Need A Song….
Many years ago, when I was learning to live on my own for the very first time, I discovered the power of song, one song, specifically, Gloria Gaynor’s rendition of “I Will Survive” — the perfect anthem for any woman determined to get out of an oppressive relationship and get on with her life.
Perhaps the entire song won’t fit your situation. It didn’t fit mine, but there were enough key phrases to keep me motivated. The most important words, the ones you must listen to and repeat until you have absolute confidence in your own abilities are these:
“I Will Survive!” A song is a simple thing, really. But, sometimes it’s the simple things that can make a big difference in whether we make it through another day. In the years since that ‘learning experience’ (the best way I can describe my divorce) the only thing that I can remember making a strong positive impression on me during that time was this one song. Silly? Maybe. But it helped. And listening to it even now makes me feel good. Silly? Does it matter?
Whatever gets you through the tough times, whatever inspires you to push yourself to the next level… isn’t silly in the least. Even a simple song.
A friend got herself a parakeet. That little cheery bird made all the difference in her outlook about life in general and herself in particular. Another friend went to the pound and got himself a straggly little dog — one he said was “Dumped, the way I was!” That little dog became a cherished friend and helped him through his darkest times.
Yet another friend began going to church for the first time in his adult life. He said he was finally able to see the “bigger picture” and this helped him to realize why his marriage had failed.
Their survival strategies may not work for you but you’ll find that comfort is possible from some of the most unusual sources. Just remember: you WILL survive!