Is it your right to cheat if you are not getting your needs taken care of by your husband or wife? According to various articles and books I’ve read lately, the message I’m seeing is if cheating gets the job done, go for it.
The perception has been that men have always had a “right” to cheat while women have had to remain faithful. The new thinking is that women also have the right to cheat. Has cheating always been a perk of married men? Or have the wives of cheaters turned a “blind eye” because they had too much to lose if they became confrontational?
Decades ago, a woman who discovered that her husband had a lover might have weighed the security of marriage against the unknown of divorce and decided that marriage at any cost was better than the hardships and stigma of divorce. With women becoming more economically independent and divorce being less of a stimga, have women added the right to cheat to their new freedoms?
I’m not aware that cheating has ever been a right of husbands or wives. But, for the sake of argument, let’s say that husbands and wives do have a right to cheat. Spousal rights go both ways. If you have decided to exercise your right to cheat on your spouse are you willing to accept your spouse’s reaction and response to that cheating?
A lot of cheaters who write to me are devastated when their spouse discovers their betrayal and reacts by filing for divorce. For some reason the cheater just don’t understand why a betrayed spouse would react so strongly.
There’s a difference between open marriage in which a husband and wife agree that each may have other lovers and cheating in which a husband or wife vows to be faithful but isn’t.
“Honey, I’ve decided to have sex with Fred tonight so you’ll need to get some take-out on the way home.” “Baby, I’m stopping by Margie’s house to have sex with her so I’ll be a little late getting home.” That’s open marriage.
“Honey, the boss wants me to work late so don’t wait up.” That’s cheating.
© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.
Order Pat’s books from Amazon.com: How to Survive Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis: Strategies and Stories from the Midlife Wives Club and Midnight Confessions: True Stories of Adultery.