He wrote: “I am currently being divorced by my wife. The only problem in our marriage was my binge drinking. We were best friends and I guess my wife feels she has no alternative but to divorce me. I have been trying to stay sober, but could not go more than about two months without a relapse. Then, I would hang my head with regret and embarrassment and go back to AA.”
“I recently found out I suffer from depression, and went into a clinical depression and relapsed. That was the last straw for her. I don’t really believe in divorce myself and as a psychology minor, have read many studies that indicate children growing up with out a father in the house suffer greatly in many aspects of their lives.”
“Please help, this situation is tearing up. I still love my wife dearly and I know she cares about me, I miss my children so much. Is there any hope for us in the future. Please help.”
There are so many reasons for this man to put down the bottle and wrap his arms around his wife and kids. But the bottle, for some reason, brings him more comfort.
He worries about the effects of divorce on his children, but does not think about the effects of his alcoholism on them. Is it possible that his own mother or father was an alcoholic? Was he been given the “gift” of alcoholism by them? Does he understand that his alcoholism can become his “gift” to his children? Isn’t this reason enough to fight for sobriety?
Whether or not he believes in divorce, his wife has every right to remove herself and their children from the abusive situation in which his drinking places all of them. Living with an alcoholic is no picnic. Some alcoholics are friendly when they drink, others become mean drunks.
He is worried about the effects of his children being brought up without a father in the house. He needs to worry about the effect his alcoholism will have on them. As far as their happiness, there is more evidence to suggest that children thrive better in a happy home with one responsible parent, than an unhappy home with two parents, one of whom abuses alcohol or drugs.
Alcoholic parents become drunk drivers when they get into their cars. They endanger themselves, their family, and total strangers.
Alcohol costs money. That money comes straight out of the family’s financial resources. Does a child have to wear an old pair of shoes so that his or her father or mother can have another quart of booze?
Alcohol damages the body. Liver disease is particularly ugly, especially in the final stages. Alcohol dulls the senses, distorts reality, changes a person’s personality.
He asks if there is any hope for them in the future. He does not realize how lucky he is that his wife has the strength to divorce him. Perhaps it will be his wake-up call to put the bottle down for good. If he can’t, then he proves liquor means more to him that his wife and kids.
He is an educated man. He knows the answers. It is his choice. He can stop the circle or allow it to continue to the next generation.
Buddy T’s site provides resources and support for alcoholics and those who love them.