She has been the primary support during their 16-year marriage. Her husband works when he feels like it, runs up bills, borrows from family and friends, and expects her to take care of his debts, which she does. Her oldest son from her first marriage wants her to get a divorce and move closer to him. She feels guilty about leaving her husband since he doesn’t have any money and he has alienated everyone he knows.
I said:
Considering the length of time you have been married, and the situation you describe, you may be a codependent. You enable your husband’s behavior by continually getting him out of the jams into which he puts himself by his actions.
You say you feel guilty but he’s the one whose behavior has made him unwelcome in his own family, not your behavior. As an adult, he has to be responsible for what he does. You shouldn’t shoulder that responsibility or he’ll never need to change because you’ll always be there to clean up after him and take care of him.
Dealing with your husband’s irresponsibility for 16 years has become a habit that is difficult to break. Unfortunately, only you can choose to make a different life for yourself, with or without him. I can’t tell you what you should do, because I won’t have to live your life regardless of your decision.
A good article for you to read is How the Co-dependency Movement Is Ruining Marriages by Willard F. Harley, Jr.