At the holidays more than any other time of the year we are supposed to feel particularly warm and fuzzy toward our family and friends. It’s a nice goal but the holidays are dreadful for people involved in unhappy relationships. I just put a lot of different reasons for dreading the holidays into the phrase “unhappy relationships.” Being alone because of divorce isn’t the only reason you might dread the holidays.
From an early age we’re bombarded with images of smiling families sitting around the holiday table. It’s obvious they’re well-fed, well-loved, and in love with life itself. Unfortunately, that’s not the way real life is in a vast number of homes. Having a movie family as our ‘benchmark’ of family success, we can only feel extremely disappointed when our family doesn’t make the grade.
If you have chosen to work through problems in your marriage, it may be extremely difficult to maintain a smile during the holidays when your heart is breaking. As much as you may want to celebrate the fact that you and your spouse are together for the holidays, it may be that trust still isn’t there or the healing process hasn’t progressed far enough.
If you’re thinking of divorce, or planning to divorce soon, it’s difficult to get together with family and friends and pretend that all is well and toast the new year as though you’ll always be in your current relationship.
If this is your first holiday since your divorce, no doubt there is a change in the family and friends with whom you have celebrated the holidays in the past. You may now be estranged from your in-laws, and, depending upon the nature of your divorce, you may be estranged from your own family.
Whatever the reason for your holiday blues, please take some comfort from the fact that you are certainly not alone in how you feel. As a matter of fact, you just might be in the majority if the holidays don’t thrill you. Take them one day at a time, and you’ll be just fine.