When Jesse Jackson made public the fact that he had fathered a child as a result of an extramarital affair, he received the support of colleagues and other public figures. After all, he had done nothing that many others hadn’t already done and he was owning up to his responsibilities and showing remorse for his actions.
Making a public announcement isn’t the end of it. Not for him, not for his family, not for the woman with whom he cheated, and certainly not for the little girl who entered this world as the result of a “moral mistake” by a man who definitely knows better.
Jackson has a wife and five children. He now has a young daughter who he has been providing “emotional and financial support” since her birth. He says he loves this child and that “I am determined to give my daughter and her mother the privacy they both deserve.”
There’s the problem. His five children from his marriage can be proud of their heritage. They don’t have to hide because of their father’s identity. His sixth child, the child conceived with his lover, doesn’t have the same benefits. That isn’t so important now because she’s too young to understand the relationship between her mother and her father. But what will she think of herself when she gets older? The child that her father must apologize for to his wife, his family, the world. How can she possibly feel good about herself?
Jackson asks to be forgiven for the disappointment his affair and the resulting birth have caused his friends and supporters. Even with everything money can buy, will his daughter be able to understand why her father had to ask for forgiveness for bringing her into this world? Will she be able to accept the circumstances of her birth and move past being “a mistake”?
A marital affair is extremely difficult to forgive. Forgetting is a major challenge. There is no forgetting when a child is born of the affair. If money is no object, the child won’t put a financial strain on the family’s finances. If money is tight, the child’s financial needs will cause problems for the spouse and family. Each check that is written, each dollar that goes to support the child and perhaps even the child’s mother, is bound to cause resentment on the part of the betrayed wife. If the financial arrangements cause the wife or children to go without, there will be even more resentment.
The emotional investment is much trickier. A wife may be able to overlook the money, but she’ll have to be a true saint to be completely secure with her husband’s emotional involvement with the other woman and their child, the constant reminder of that adultery. He may try to be fair and provide the emotional support she needs but she will never have the 100 percent that belongs to her. Neither will the children of his marriage. And neither will the child who should be able to be proud of her birth.
Something struck me in one of the newspaper articles about Jackson’s affair. It was a portion of the statement made by Rev. Joseph Lowery, a 79-year-old colleague of Martin Luther King and co-founder of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. He was quoted as saying: “We can’t get bogged down. We can’t let this interfere with his continued public service. The Bible says let him without sin cast the first stone. So instead of casting stones, he needs our prayers and our support.”
I agree with part of that. But, as far as prayers and support, the man enjoyed the pleasure of the affair. His illegitimate daughter, his wife, his other children, and the rest of his family, need the prayers and support.