Eleven years after they were married, he cheated and left her for the other woman. Shortly after their divorce, he realized he’d made a mistake, and they were remarried. Now, twelve years later, after she had a brief affair, she says she isn’t attracted to him anymore, needs passion in her life, and wants a divorce.
I said:
There’s something that hasn’t been said. Perhaps the two of you have just been sharing the same house, but haven’t really been there for each other?
Have you been ignoring her, taking her for granted, forgetting the kind words, the little romantic things that let her know she’s loved and cherished?
When was the last time the two of you went on a trip — anywhere — as a couple and had a good time together?
Do you enjoy being together? Do you laugh together?
When did the passion go from your marriage? What caused you to go outside your marriage so many years ago? Did you look elsewhere from the passion that you may have found lacking then?
Did the two of you resolve the issues surrounding your adultery or did those things get buried because they were too painful to discuss? Have you been entirely honest and faithful to your wife since that time?
Did you remarry because the habit was too firmly established to let go of each other? Was there passion then?
A lot of questions need to be answered in order to find out what is wrong if this is ever to be fixed. Perhaps a very important question would be: are the two of you willing to get professional counseling to try to save your marriage? If not, then there wouldn’t be much chance in preventing divorce.