She’s involved with a married man and responding to an article I wrote about adultery. She says the situation is a win-win for her because she’s picky about who she has sex with, him because he gets good sex outside of his marriage, and his wife because she doesn’t have to be bothered. She wonders if a relationship in which the wife agrees to her husband having a girlfriend would still be considered adultery.
I said:
What you’re describing is an open marriage and such relationships can be successful or they can destroy a marriage. Some spouses are coerced into open sexual relationships because they’re afraid their spouse will leave if they don’t agree to allow them their sexual freedom. It’s difficult for relationships to remain at the same level throughout.
What happens when the single woman in this relationship wants more than just occasional sex and companionship? She may push for the security she thinks marriage to this man will provide.
What happens if he decides that if two women is good, three would be better? What if the sizzle ends in his relationship with the single woman and he decides a new lover would be more to his liking?
What if his wife becomes insecure with the closeness between her husband and his lover and fears for the security of the marriage? Or, what if his wife takes a lover and her husband is unable to accept his wife having a lover?
What if the single woman isn’t happy with the small amount of attention she is receiving and takes another lover?
The original article dealt with one spouse trying to hide unfaithfulness from their unsuspecting spouse. They were pretending to be faithful to the marriage. The affair was a secret, it was not meant to be discovered. There was no open marriage.
Your scenario is more fantasy than reality. Why have a marriage at all if neither spouse is fully committed and faithful to it?
© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.
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