Throughout the world marriages are dissolving because the husband or wife has decided that they’d rather with with their lover than their marriage partner. These divorces and the continuing liaisons with the person responsible for the marriage’s collapse can cause some very serious problems for family members, business associates, and others who are less than happy about the situation.
Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles became fodder for the press after he refused to attend the wedding of his godson because his “companion” had been assigned a seat at the wedding, in Chester Cathedral, several rows behind his own seat. A front page story in The Daily Telegraph ran the headline “Camilla boycotts wedding over snub.” The official explanation for Charles’ non-attendance at the wedding was that he planned to meet with families of the Black Watch Regiment and the weekend of the wedding was the best time to do so.
Your family may not be as newsworthy as Charles and Camilla, but it isn’t just the “Royals” who deal with the aftermath of infidelity and the delicate situations that develop. Using the Charles-Camilla wedding event as an example, could this have been handled differently? Let’s look at the options available to Charles, Camilla, and the wedding party.
News stories don’t indicate who chose the seating for the wedding, however, what would it have signaled if Camilla Parker Bowles had been given a seat in the section reserved for the Royal family? It would have insinuated their public acceptance of the relationship between Charles and Camilla.
Given that Charles and Camilla had been “companions” for years… before their marriages to others, during their marriages, after those marriages ended… why seat them apart? What would it have hurt to allow her to sit next to him? Would she have expected to be included in future family and “state” events at Charles’ side?
The fact that Charles and Camilla were no longer married to others did not erase the past. Some family members didn’t want her included in family events, they didn’t want her presence “legitimized” by seating her next to Prince Charles.
There are probably those who didn’t want her at the wedding at all and who would have been quite upset had she shown up even in her “lesser” seating. The decision to provide Camellia Parker Bowles a place at the wedding was a compromise most likely to Prince Charles. The decision to not seat her next to Charles was most likely a compromise for family members.
I don’t think the family made a mistake. Or did they?
The relationship between Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles has filled books and provided the press with news stories for years. Before they finally married, they were living under constant scruitiny. Even now, everything they do hits the front page of the tabloids.
This was Prince Charles’ godson’s wedding. Yes, she didn’t have a seat next to Charles, but she had a seat at the wedding. Why couldn’t she be gracious and go and be at his side at later events? Why make Charles miss his godson’s wedding? Why allow the issue of her seating overshadow the more important event of the wedding itself?
Did this send the message that if the “family” didn’t “get in line” and accept Camilla with open arms that Prince Charles’ presence would be missing at other important events?
What do I, personally, think she should have done? I think she should have arrived at Chester Cathedral with Charles and then gone to her assigned seat.
Did she make a mistake? I think so. Does it matter what I think? Of course not.
His decision to not attend his godson’s wedding because his companion wasn’t seated beside him was, in my opinion, a very poor one. On one of the most important days of his godson’s life, he chooses to make a public appearance elsewhere?
What could Prince Charles have done differently? He could have gone to the wedding with Camilla and sat where he was assigned or he could have sat next to her in the lesser seating. Either way, he would have been making a statement to his family that this woman was an important part of his life.
Did Prince Charles make a mistake by not attending his godson’s wedding? I think so.
So how does this translate to your life? You have options if your marriage has ended due to your involvement or your spouse’s involvement with a third person. Your actions shouldn’t be “knee jerk” reactions if the family doesn’t immediately warmly embrace you and/or your new partner.
Family and friends have their own emotions to deal with as far as your marriage ending and changing the relationship they have with you, your ex, your new love or your ex’s new love. None of that can be or should be rushed.
© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.
Order Pat’s books from Amazon.com: How to Survive Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis: Strategies and Stories from the Midlife Wives Club and Midnight Confessions: True Stories of Adultery.