I Am An Adult Child of Divorce

My parents separated while I was working and still living at home (in that decade single females didn’t live away from home until they got married). Theirs had been a rocky marriage for many years so divorce was not unexpected. The fact that they remained in the same house during the separation and after the divorce made for some tense times, as might be expected.

The things I would have preferred to have been left out of:

I didn’t want to meet my mother’s boyfriends, hear about her dates, or go to bars with her while she enjoyed her newfound freedom.

I didn’t want to be my mother’s confidant or listen to her explain why she couldn’t be married to my father anymore. He was my father and I didn’t want to know his faults, flaws, or any intimate details of their relationship.

I didn’t want to be my father’s confidant or listen to his side of the intimate details of their relationship. I didn’t want to know how much he hurt whenever she went out on a date. She was my mother, flaws and all, and I still loved her even if I had a hard time liking her much of the time.

When my mother and father remarried, I didn’t want to listen to each of them explain why they were back together again. It was their decision, and I didn’t need to know the details. They didn’t need my approval.

When my father died of cancer and my mother remarried, I did not have a new father, just as any man she might have married if they had remained divorced would not have become my second father.

Divorce is difficult on kids whether they’re 3, 10, 18 or 35. Remembering that some aspects of relationships are best kept between adults may be difficult but it will help ease some of the stresses kids will experience as a result of the divorce.