She says the friendship she’s had with a newly divorced father of two small children is getting more serious. She’s been checked out by the ex-wife and met the children once. He wants her to come home with him and spend the night (so far they haven’t been intimate).
She thinks it’s a little early and wonders if the kids would understand that people in love “share the same bed like mum and dad used to.” She wondered what I thought.
I think there’s a big difference between marrying someone and just taking the dating relationship to a new level by becoming intimate.
Marriage adds a new person to the household, someone who legally belongs there and who would be expected to assume a portion of parental responsibility. Dad’s new wife is the children’s new stepmom.
Dating, whether intimate or not, means the person might be a part of the children’s lives for a while only to disappear if the relationship doesn’t work out.
Dating after divorce doesn’t always end in marriage. Dad’s new girlfriend might not be the same one next month or next year.
She felt it’s too early to spend the night at his house and I agree. She should listen to her instinct and not rush into something just because her dating partner is ready. If she does not think it’s the right time, then it’s not the right time.
I also think it could be very smart to keep “overnights” limited to places other than his home, at least if the children are there at the time. Not only will it eliminate the problem of what to tell the children, it will keep details of the “sleepovers” from getting to his ex via the children.
As usual, this is just my opinion. Everyone has to deal with their own situation in the way that suits them the best. And if anyone cares to share their experiences of dating a parent of young children or their experience as a dating parent with young children, please feel free to email me.