Happily for all of us the world did not end when the 20th century ended and the 21st century began. I admit I breathed a heavy sigh of relief because I was one of those people who thought “something” would happen at least to the technology sector but I didn’t know to what severity or for how long. Besides which I’m a natural born worrier.
Some of us do worry more than others. And some people let their fears hang out while others keep them bottled up inside. I suppose I fall into a mix of the two — as no doubt do many people.
Fear can make us try harder to work through troubled times or it can freeze us into immobility. Fear can also make us run the other way, which some people do instead of standing up and looking the problem straight on.
Fear can make us flee or it can make us fight. If you have a problem in your marriage, what do you do? Do you freeze up and hope it will go away? Do you turn your back on it and figure that if you ignore it, it will resolve itself? Or, do you plant your feet solidly and grab it, shake it and do your best to resolve it?
Facing serious marital problems takes a lot of courage.
Tell him you know he’s cheating and what will he do? Will he be glad he doesn’t have to sneak around anymore and tell you he loves her, not you, and the marriage is over? Or will he tell you he made a mistake and beg you to forgive him? Your action and his subsequent reaction will rewrite the future for both of you. Does fear of the unknown keep you from confronting him? If he is cheating, and you don’t do anything, what kind of life are you accepting for yourself?
Do you refuse to accept her substance abuse any longer, demanding that she dry out or you walk? If she refuses, are you ready to take the next step? Does fear that she will choose drugs instead of you keep you from confronting her? If she does have a substance abuse problem, and you allow it to continue, how can this possibly be good for either of you?
If your husband’s alcoholism is turning your life into a living hell, are you doing nothing hoping that he’ll see the damage his actions are causing and change, or are you developing a support system for yourself by joining Al-Anon and learning how to best handle the situation — with him or without him?
If she says she wants out, do you cling and beg for her to stay or do you tell her you love her and you want her to go with you to couples counseling before she leaves. If she refuses, are you secure enough to understand that you can make it on your own?
No one person is the key to your happiness. You may love them desperately. You may have your life wrapped around them. You may never have loved anyone else to the same intensity. You may not want to stop loving them. However, if they have stopped loving you, if they are not willing to stay together and work things through, the decision has been made for you. Your only option is to face the fear of an unknown future without them. Now it is time to reach deep within yourself for the strength we all have and pull it to the surface.
Learning to depend upon yourself, learning to trust your decisions, understanding that you’ll make mistakes along the way, is part of life’s education. And no one ever said life was easy!