The way children respond to divorce will be as varied as the participants and the circumstances. No one likes divorce, but some people (and children) are more mature handling it than others. In some cases, the children may welcome the fact that violence, abuse, and anger (if these were ingredients of the marriage) are no longer a part of their daily life.
Children may try to get their divorced parents back together again, not understanding that it is in the best interest of everyone involved that they remain apart. They may play one parent against the other, instigate meetings to try to bring them together, try to sabotage new relationships. They can be most creative. And sometimes they are successful.
Children may use the guilt their divorced parents feel to get extra privileges and presents. I overheard a conversation in a restaurant between a father and his young teenaged daughter. The father was meek and mild whereas the daughter was loud and demanding. She wanted money, she wanted to live with him instead of her mother (why not? it was apparent he felt so guilty she would be able to get away with anything), and she wanted to have him pay for a beach vacation for her (without parents). I didn’t stay long enough to hear the outcome, but that child was wielding an enormous amount of “guilt power” and getting away with it.
Children will learn to be cautious about who they trust. If their mother brings home a new boyfriend, they will be reluctant to accept him right away, particularly if he is the third or fourth boyfriend they’ve been introduced to. One gentleman wonders why his teenagers won’t take his new love seriously, but she’s the fifth one in as many months.
It is natural to want to believe that “this is the one” but transition lovers are just that. Casual introductions are fine but wanting the children to accept new relationships early on can be difficult on them. In the case of the gentleman above, his children want him to settle down but they have experience to prove that they better not “fall in love” with any of the women he brings home until one of them is wearing his wedding ring.
Children may resent the intrusion of another person into the “just the two of us” relationship that may develop between themselves and their father or mother. Anger, resentment, and a host of other feelings may develop. This is not a reason for the parent to stop dating until the child is older, but rather good reason to seek counseling to learn how to handle the situation.