She is planning to leave an abusive marriage as soon as she gets a full-time job. Because her twin sons are also verbally abusive toward her, she plans on leaving home alone so she can rebuild her self-esteem. She wonders if this will make her an unfit mother.
I said:
Unfortunately, we live in the type of world where complete strangers feel it is their right and their place to condemn others for living their lives the best they can. This means that should you relinquish custody of the boys to their father, there will be plenty of busybodies who will say you’re unfit. That’s not true. Right now, you’re trying to survive.
Be prepared for your husband’s continued abuse about this issue, particularly if he is calling you an unfit mother now. The shame is that he no doubt will pass this definition on to the boys and to anyone else who will listen. You will have to be strong, but you can do it. You’ve survived his abuse up to this point, you’re on the home stretch now.
Discuss this in depth with your attorney and make sure he or she knows you don’t intend to give up parental rights to your sons, only that you are willing that your husband be the custodial parent at this time. Discuss your options with regard to joint and sole custody and see if joint custody might be the more workable arrangement.
Take every day as it comes, knowing that you are one day closer to being out of this dreadful situation. Once you have repaired yourself, you’ll be able to focus on building a stronger relationship with your sons.