Only you can decide if your marriage is too bad to stay in it. Regardless of advice others give you, they won’t have to live your life. Weigh the advantages of staying against the advantages of leaving. If leaving significantly outweighs staying, your choice should be fairly simple.
Get counseling to make sure your decision is right. If your spouse is willing to attend counseling with you, go together. If not, go alone.
Research your divorce options. If the both of you can agree on all terms, consider a do-it-yourself divorce. If not, do not share the same attorney regardless of the apparent money savings. No attorney can represent both sides of a divorce equally. Perhaps a legal separation is a logical first step.
Make a plan. Even if you’ve made the decision to divorce, you may not be ready to divorce. Get your finances in order, make sure you’re ready emotionally to make the break.
Contact an attorney. Many attorneys offer a free first consultation. Make sure you feel secure that your attorney will do his or her best to represent your interests. If you have doubts, keep looking. Ask people you trust for recommendations.
Be prepared for unbelievable stress. Your world is going to be turned upside down. Be ready for it. If your spouse doesn’t want the divorce and puts pressure on for “just one more try,” decide, when and if it happens, if the effort to try again will be worth it.
Be fair in property division. Don’t add to the stress by haggling about every little item but hold firm if you feel strongly that you aren’t getting an equal or fair distribution. This is an area where an attorney can be an extremely valuable sounding board.
Don’t look for new love until the divorce is final or you may find the divorce turning even meaner than it already is. Whether you’re reluctant to date or eager to jump back into the dating pool, don’t jump in until until your divorce is legally final and you’ve had a chance to do some “me” work.
Don’t spread rumors about your spouse. Potential dating partners will take note of how you handle your current divorce, including how you talk about your soon-to-be-ex, and you want their opinions be positive ones.
Keep yourself healthy. Reduce stress by regular exercise. If anxiety has you over the edge, talk to your physician. Don’t self-medicate or abuse alcohol or drugs.
Allow yourself time to grieve for the marriage’s end. Everyone needs time to heal before they can move into new relationships.
Let your actions speak for you. It may be difficult not to talk about your marital problems, but everyone has them and you don’t want to become this week’s gossip item.
And, again, only you can determine when you’re ready to make the decision to leave your marriage or to give it one more try.