I’ve been divorced twice, the first divorce was my choice, the second was his. Even though the circumstances of each was different, one phase immediately after we separated, was similar. I had to adjust to being alone.
There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone. It can be depressingly lonely in a marriage that is unraveling even if the daily activities are pretty much the same. Being alone can be quite enjoyable and liberating.
When the emotional connection is broken, when the caring is over, when the love is gone, a marriage is an incredibly lonely place to be. Divorce produces a different type of loneliness. How we deal with that initial loneliness will set the stage for the future.
One woman immediately sought out, and found, another man to marry. She said she just didn’t want to be alone at night. That’s how her previous marriage began also.
Within weeks after my first marriage ended I began a long-term relationship that resulted several years later in marriage. I believed I was ready for a new relationship and I didn’t take time to adjust to the freedom of being alone after my divorce was final.
When my second marriage ended, I needed a connection with “people” more than another committed relationship. Lucky for me, I met two single women my own age at a business meeting who provided the support to help me transition into my new life as a single. These ladies remain my closest friends even though I am married for a third time.
Marriage is full of habits. When the marriage ends, our lives become full of blank spaces that we will fill with new activities, new people, new “things.” Rushing to fill those blank spaces can create more loneliness with bad choices.
Slow down, savor the freedom of not having to share your life with someone else. Get comfortable within your own skin. With time your new life will be filled with new habits and much, or all, of the loneliness will be gone.