Feelings of sadness are part of the divorce process regardless of which person initiated the divorce or how dysfunctional the marriage may have been. It’s important to accept that sadness and not turn it into more than it is.
Feeling sad is a natural process, it happens to us all, sometimes for small things, sometimes for large things. It is okay to feel sad just as it is okay to feel happy.
Depression is something else entirely because it can sneak up, grab hold, and change the way we live our lives. Life can lose its meaning when a person is depressed. A dark cloud settles in and all joy vanishes.
I was depressed for much of my first marriage. I felt hopelessly trapped with no way out and no place to go for help. I was estranged from my family, and had no friends other than casual friendships with a few co-workers. Work was the only stabilizer in my life but even that couldn’t fill the emotional void within me. As year after year plodded by, I saw my personal life in shades of dull gray.
Then I fell into a dark pit and lost two weeks of my life. The only memory I have of that time is lying in bed crying. Reportedly, I went to work every day but I don’t remember driving or working or talking with anyone. I don’t know if I cooked or cleaned when I was home although I doubt my husband would have allowed me to not cook and clean. All I can remember is curling up in bed, pulling the covers over my head, and crying myself to sleep.
One morning I woke up and could function again. Everything was suddenly crystal clear. I had two choices: stay in my marriage and die, or, walk out the door and live. For me, my personal survival depended on my marriage ending.
Falling into that dark pit saved my life. I can analyze and second guess what happened but I believe I was in such strong denial about my situation that it took a bout in the pit to uncover the answer and turn me in the right direction.
That was many years ago and despite the many ups and downs since then, I’ve never revisited that pit. That isn’t to say I haven’t had periods of extreme sadness because I have. We all have, they are a normal part of living.
Dark pits, suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, are some of the symptoms of depression. So are unexplained weight gains or losses, constant irritability, even difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much.
Don’t let depression control your life. If you believe you are depressed, seek help. Talk to someone trained to treat depression. If you know someone who may be depressed, try to help them get help. Sometimes the pit is too deep to climb out of without a helping hand from someone who understands.