His first love, “Jane,” who dumped him, is having marital problems and he’d like to help. His wife doesn’t like him paying attention to Jane so he has been sneaking around to see her. He doesn’t love Jane but thinks he could and maybe could even learn to trust her again. He says he loves his wife and kids but sometimes is unhappy with his marriage.
I said:
When Jane dumped you, you weren’t ready to stop loving her even though she had already stopped loving you. She did stop loving you or she would not have been unfaithful. Now she’s in a bad situation and she needs someone to help her out. You’re the perfect person because you still have sweet memories of how it used to be.
You must stop thinking about the past and the good times Jane and you shared. Think instead of the fact that Jane dumped you for someone else and that you were lucky enough to meet and fall in love with your wife. Remember her? — the mother of your two children?
If you love your wife, you will stay away from Jane. Do you really want to hurt your wife and children by getting involved again with Jane? If you continue, you will do to you wife what Jane’s husband has done to her. There is no difference. Does your wife deserve to be treated this way? When you are married, if you are committed to your marriage, you do not help an old girlfriend “behind her back.” You’re asking for trouble in the worst way.
Everyone has days when they wonder if they really want to be married to their wife or husband. You see your wife every day, her good moods, her bad ones. You don’t see just her best side. With Jane you see only what she wants you to see, her best image. And, you remember only the good times, not the bad times, that you had with Jane.
You asked what to do. Here it is: Get away from Jane. Let her solve her own problems. Take care of your wife and children. They need you. They love you. They are your responsibility. It would be too bad if you left your wife for Jane, and your wife shut you entirely out of her life when Jane dumped you, again.