Too Many Bad Times

During their 12-year marriage, his wife had cancer surgery, they faced bankruptcy, his mother died, their home was vandalized, and his wife left him and their young son to be with her boyfriend. After leaving, she told everyone he was abusive which he says was a lie. Therapy didn’t work and their attempts at reconciliation leave him scared and confused. He doesn’t know what to do.

I said:

Perhaps she has changed too much for you to have a happy marriage. That happens. I know. Life is way too short to live your life based around a person who causes pain and anguish. Maybe she can and/or will change, but maybe she already has changed as much she is able for now. You have to get your life back on track so you can again be happy and at peace.

Leaving someone you love is painful. Unfortunately, the woman you fell in love with is no longer around. Waiting for her to return will only drag you further into that black hole in which you’ve been dumped by her actions so far. You can either let her shovel dirt on top of you or you can start climbing out, by yourself, on your own, and get back into the bright sunlight.

Every one of us who has gone through divorce has had some bad times. We’ve all had to make decisions that were painful at the time. But when it becomes obvious that divorce is the answer, at that point, the decisions have to be made.

An excellent book that weighs the good and the bad is Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-By-Step Guide to Helping You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum. If you haven’t already read it, get a copy.

Protect yourself as far as your wife’s allegations of abuse. If you don’t have witnesses, you could end up with some nasty surprises. A young friend is finding that out the hard, expensive, big court battle way right now as he fights for custody of his 9-year old son.

Once you make some solid decisions and get a goal established you’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel as you work your way through this mess.