Her husband wants a divorce because he says they don’t communicate and he’s frustrated. She admits that she leaves the room rather than take part in arguments with him. Now she complains that he never let her know how he felt.
I said:
When you won’t respond to him during an argument, you leave the issue unresolved. You’re upset because he has never let you know his feelings, and yet, every time he tried, you walked away. He has decided the only way to resolve the problems that exist in your marriage is to get a divorce. Can you understand why he would do this? I can.
Imagine this: You go to the store to get a nice pot roast for dinner. It’s important that the roast be a certain weight and trimmed properly. You tell the butcher what you need. He turns to the lady next to you and takes her order. You patiently wait for him to start working on your order. When he doesn’t, you get his attention and tell him again. This time he goes to the back and starts carving chickens.
This continues through several attempts on your part to get the roast you need. Finally, time runs out. It’s too late to fix a roast even if he was to pay attention to you. Your dinner plans are ruined. Will you continue to shop with this store or will you go where someone pays attention to your needs? Or, if you shop here again, will you be adamant about what you want and demand to be heard?
No doubt you are scared about what the divorce will do to your children, but I think you’re probably more scared about what it will do to you. It means you’ll have to face up to communicating either with your husband or with his attorney.
Perhaps it’s really not too late to get mad and have some old fashioned face-to-face shouting right now. He needs it, and I’ll bet you do too. Why not ask a friend to take care of the kids for a night soon and get down to some real loud communication. It can’t hurt and it might just save your marriage.