She says her husband is cruel and vicious, accuses her of things he knows she hasn’t done, and never takes the blame for any of their marital problems. Over their 22-year relationship, he has cheated multiple times, divorcing her twice to marry the other woman only to cheat during those marriages with her. Their current marriage is ending and she can’t figure out why he treats her so badly when she’s always there when he needs her.
I said:
When you say “He knew all he had to do was call and I would be there,” you said everything. You enable him to do these terrible things.
This is codependency. He’s dependent on you and you’re dependent on him. That’s why your relationship has lasted so long, and that’s why it will continue from now until you decide to take control of your life.
You can’t change him but you can change yourself. Personal counseling is a good first step toward breaking the codependency habit that has kept you bound to him over these years. It won’t be easy but it’s the only way you can end this dysfunctional relationship if you’re serious about wanting to change your life.