In a previous article, I suggested that putting together a strong Marriage Contract might be useful before getting married to help outline the responsibilities of each person during marriage. The contract would also, should it be necessary, provide a base for a “civilized” divorce.
The thought of signing a legal document before marriage, whether it is a marriage contract or a prenuptial agreement, doesn’t set well with me. I’ve been married three times and none of my marriages started with legal agreements. Not having anything to fall back on when it came time to divorce didn’t cause any problems with either of my divorces.
I wanted out of my first marriage so I took my clothing and a few personal possessions and left. My second divorce was similar: my ex wanted out so he took his clothing and his personal possessions and left. Both divorces were “amicable”, over within the minimum waiting period, and there were no legal fees other than the normal filing fees and court costs.
A separation agreement probably wouldn’t have changed much in either divorce although I might have walked away from marriage #1 with a share of our jointly owned properties. As it was, I wanted to end my marriage much more than I wanted to be embroiled in a long legal battle for things that had lost their value to me.
In both divorces we didn’t have to take responsibility for anyone but ourselves. Once the divorce was final there would be no need for us to stay in contact, no frantic calls in the middle of the night because one of the kids was hurt or missing, no getting together as a “family” at a child’s graduation, wedding, or other special event.
Most divorces don’t go as smoothly as mine (I’m excluding the years of emotional turmoil leading up to the actual divorces). Most marriages have property to divide and children to protect. As the legal battles drag on, the damage to all involved becomes brutal. That’s the time for an agreement to fall back on, one that outlines each party’s responsibilities.