He wrote to say he’s in the process of a divorce that he really doesn’t want because he still loves his wife. At the same time, after more than eight months of separation, he has now met someone he’d like to date. He wonders whether he should start looking out for his needs or continue hoping his wife will come back.
Here’s what I told him:
This is strictly my opinion and it’s not my life so it has to be your decision, but, I think it’s time for you to move on. Get this divorce finalized and then find someone who can commit to you the same way you are ready to commit to them.
This has not been much of a marriage and you’ve been much more tolerant of the situation than a lot of people would be in the same situation.
Because you honestly don’t know how you would react should your wife return, please don’t pursue anything with this new friend until you are completely out of this marriage. It would also be in your best interest if that torch was extinguished so you could be free to light one for someone more worthy of your love. Good luck.