A year ago, she filed for divorce to end their 15-year marriage but reconsidered when he promised that things would get better. They are now back to where they were and she again is thinking of divorce. She says the intimacy and romance ended when their children were born and he says there are more important things to worry about than the kindness and intimacy she says she needs.
I said:
The courage to “just do” comes from within you. Your indecision comes from weighing the known, the good and the bad of what you have, against the unknown of leaving it all.
If your husband doesn’t know how to be responsive to your needs now, he won’t know any better “when the kids are grown.” In the meantime, each day that passes is one less day of your life that you could have enjoyed to the fullest.
Ask yourself: If this is the last day of my life, is this how I want to spend it?
Now let me ask you: What guarantee do you have that it isn’t your last day of life?
I think you have two choices:
You can stay in your marriage, accept your husband’s limitations, enjoy those things he does well, and sublimate your need for intimacy into volunteer work, a career change or some other cause that allows you a chance to excel and get self-validation outside of your marital role.
You can leave and take your chances in a world of unknowns that will test you to the fullest. It’s the big gamble with high stakes but offering big rewards to players who aren’t afraid to take the chance.
Only you know which is the right choice for you. The right choice for your kids will be whatever makes you the happiest and most fulfilled. Right now, you feel trapped and not in control of your life. Make a decision and you’ll regain that control. Good luck.