Has someone ever said to you “Oh, but it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” expecting that to put a positive spin on your divorce? In other words, maybe you’ve lost love but that’s not as bad as never having been loved. No doubt they mean well, but it’s a fairly clueless comment to make to someone whose marriage is ending.
Being embroiled in a bitter divorce may cause a person to respond that if they had known “love” would cause so much pain they would have said “no, thanks” and remained single.
It’s not unusual for someone going through a bad divorce to vow they will never marry again. Nor is it unusual for a divorce survivor to be wary about falling in love. Time dulls the pain and love and marriage again become desirable.
Does the depth and purity of future love change when factoring in the “loved and lost” aspect of a previous divorce?
Marriage “should” begin with the belief that the commitment is being made for a lifetime because of the love each person has for the other. Divorce adds the reality of impermanence to subsequent marriages.
Perhaps it takes the loss of love to realize just how important it is to do everything possible to keep a marriage together if there is even the slightest chance of working things out.