If you’re the mother of a teen, and you and your husband are having marital difficulties, your teen already knows the marriage is in trouble. Here are some of the things they don’t need to hear:
“It’s all your fault.”
No, the divorce is not their fault. Their choice would be that the problems between the two of you be resolved quickly so they can deal with their own problems. The teen years are extremely stressful even when there are no more than the normal problems at home.
“Your father wouldn’t do this if he loved us.”
Their father isn’t divorcing them, he’s divorcing you. How much of an impact that will have on their day-to-day lives will depend on how well the two of you are able to agree on issues surrounding the divorce.
“You’re the only one I can talk to about this.”
Your child is not your best friend, your child is your child no matter how old or how mature he or she appears to be. Your child should not be privy to your emotional outpourings as you deal with divorce. If you need to unburden yourself, talk with a counselor or an impartial adult friend.
“If you love me, you won’t have anything to do with your father.”
Forcing your child to choose between the two of you will only put more stress on your child at an already stressful time. It’s your divorce, not your child’s. They aren’t losing a parent because of the divorce, their two parent home is being split into two homes each with a parent.
“How can you have anything to do with that woman!?”
As much you may hate someone who played a key role in the break up your marriage, if that person is part of your ex’s current life, she will probably also be a part of your child’s life. Let your child make his or her own decisions as far as how this relationship develops and don’t expect your child to feel the same anger as you do.
For simplicity this is written to mothers of teens but it just as easily applies to fathers.