When an email with a virus attached caused several of my programs to crash, it put me behind in some of my work commitments. Computers are the foundation of my business. The virus came at the worst possible time as I was on “critical” deadline getting a print publication to press.
Was the virus sent out of revenge? I doubt it, but who knows? It caused me some moments of grief and I took it personally. It also caused me to rethink how I was going to present this article and maybe that was the good to come from the bad of the virus.
Thinking about seeking revenge on someone who has wronged us is pretty normal. Thinking about revenge is a part of the anger process. Acting on those thoughts and feelings is another matter.
Let me take a side road here and tell you how I felt when the virus hit my machine. I went through a whole range of emotions in a short time. Anger at having been targeted. Panic over the damage to my equipment. Disappointment that someone would do something like this to me. For a time, I didn’t care to go online. The end result was a loss of business time, the loss of files I had been working on, and the cost of a more comprehensive anti-virus software.
So how does this reflect on thoughts of revenge? We all think about exacting revenge on someone at some time in our life. Divorce and troubled relationships are probably high on the “revenge” chart whether it’s wanting revenge against a spouse who has caused us pain or revenge against the third party who has aided in damaging our marriage.
Because revenge is a part of the anger process, it can be helpful to think through harmless scenarios with the other person “getting theirs.” Daydream, if you wish, about your ex being caught by his or her boss in a compromising position. Or think how much you’d like to watch as “she” attends a fancy party with the back of her dress stuck in the top of her pantyhose. Or perhaps you’d like legal revenge on a cheating spouse, or alienation of affection revenge on the other person.
There is nothing wrong with thinking about revenge for a little while. But don’t let it consume you. Don’t become obsessed by revenge. Revenge can be ugly. It can take away your enjoyment of life. It can focus you in so tightly onto one small speck of your universe that you miss the beauty all around you.
Your friends may enjoy playing the revenge game with you for a while, but they’ll tire of it. While you’re being consumed with revenge, your life is standing still. Instead of exploring your options and moving on, you’re wasting time. Valuable, precious, once-in-a-lifetime time!
While you’re seeking revenge, there are other people watching you and your actions, deciding whether or not they would like to get to know you better. While you obsess about revenge on him or her, life passes you by. While you think about revenge, you remain emotionally tied to him or her.