Cheating is cheating whether it’s with the person next door, down the street, in the next town, in the next state, or across the world in a chatroom. It’s an act that hurts the person whose trust has been betrayed and ultimately it hurts the person who betrays that trust.
If you’ve been online for a time, you are probably already aware of the “spy” software that is available for keeping track of someone’s online (and off-line) computer activities. I do think that such software does have its uses. For example, if you are running a business and want to make certain that your employees aren’t using their computers in ways that would harm the business, or to keep an eye on your children when they’re online.
If you’ve looked at information furnished with most of these software programs, they state that when you install it in a computer, you’re supposed to tell who ever uses the computer that the software has been installed. Okay, so now your spouse knows you’re spying. If they continue, then they’re dumb enough to get caught without spy software.
Obviously, you’re not going to tell someone you’re spying on their computer activities to get solid evidence that they’re cheating on you. You may have suspicions and you may feel those suspicions warrant using “spy” software. However, if you have a need to gather evidence, you’re not 100% sure they are cheating. Or, perhaps you’re sure but you need some really hard evidence to help your divorce case.
While I’m not aware of this type of evidence being used in a divorce case as yet (if you know of a case where it has been used, please let me know) I have to logically think that it would be considered the same as recording phone conversations. You have to advise the other person that you’re recording their conversation in order to keep yourself legal. No doubt the same would apply to spying on computer useage.
Aside from the legalities of using the software, you better know what you’re doing when you install the software or you’re going to get caught, and if your spouse isn’t cheating, you’ve just caused a major blunder with trust. If you get caught by a spouse who is cheating, you just made him or her that much more cautious or have given them a reason to flaunt the affair openly.
If you seriously think your spouse is cheating, something is probably wrong in your relationship to cause those feelings and you and your spouse need to talk about it. Or, if the situation is way past talking, you need to decide whether your marriage is good enough to salvage or bad enough for you to walk away.
Whatever you do, be ready to accept his or her reaction to your accusation. He or she may be waiting for you to take the first move so they can place the blame on you when the marriage ends.