Have you noticed how people change when they get married? Not all changes are bad, they’re a part of becoming a good wife or good husband. But sometimes, a person changes so much that their spouse is unable to remember exactly what it was about them that they loved so much in the first place.
Marriage shouldn’t be a “bait and switch” situation. If your marriage fails, you won’t have success in the singles game unless you gain back some of those qualities that made you so attractive. Why not define them and keep them part of your marital wardrobe?
Infidelity is easy to understand. Someone new always shows their best side, is always trying to make the best impression. It’s not difficult to imagine a lifetime of love from that perfect person. It’s easy to forget that your spouse once appeared the same way, best side up.
No one can maintain their best side forward forever. When you live with someone, you will eventually relax, and so will they. You will get comfortable. The “new” will wear off. You’ll see each other as you really are. And if you’re truly in love, you’ll be as happy with the “old” as with the “new.”
The advantage the “other” person has is time alone. Time to keep up their “best side.” You see their best; they see your best. It’s a fantasy time. Because, at some point, when the “new” finally wears off, and the “old” shows through, it might not be enough.
How many ways can it be said? Expecting someone to change after marriage is asking for trouble. If they don’t change before marriage, what’s their incentive after marriage? If they have stripes before marriage, don’t expect those stripes to change to spots when the wedding vows are said. If it was important, they would have changed to spots long before marriage became an issue.
If you must have certain traits and qualities, wouldn’t it be easier to “find” someone who has these traits and qualities? I’m reminded of the girl who was extremely upset because her boyfriend wouldn’t send her flowers. She kept up a steady stream of nagging, complaining that he didn’t love her if he wouldn’t send her flowers.
He explained that he wanted to be spontaneous and if she kept nagging about it, he couldn’t get in the mood. She didn’t listen, he didn’t send flowers, they were miserable together. In my opinion, the flowers were only a small part of what was wrong with this relationship.