He wants to leave his wife and children for a married woman he’s been having an online affair with. They’ve chatted online and talked on the phone but they’ve never met in real life.
I said:
Did you know that buying a new home is one of the most stressful things that can occur within a marriage? Add in the strain of having to provide for two small children and meet the needs of someone you live with 24/7 and it can be horrendously difficult. And, of course, after 10 years of marriage and two kids the sizzle is probably gone from your sex life.
So, in an attempt to get away from the stress you fantasize about finding “the perfect person” who will take the stress away and you find that person on the Internet.
It’s easy to make her, or someone else you’ve never lived with on a 24/7 basis, into the perfect person. The mind does some strange, and sometimes wonderous, things with just a few well chosen words. It’s very easy to weave your wants and needs around those words, that voice, and a couple of photographs which may or may not be actual photos of her.
You CANNOT be in love with someone you have never met. Regardless of how much you think you love this woman, you don’t. You have a need to get away from the stresses in your life at this time and you feel that this other woman is the answer but she’s not. She’s simply a mother of two very young kids who, because she’s not happy with her own life, decided to spend some time on the Internet talking to strangers hoping to find a way out of her own misery.
She’s cheating on her partner, regardless of their relationship (perhaps the father of those two children?) and she’s willing to help you cheat on your wife. Is that so perfect?
You have two small children that need you to set a good example for them. You can do that one of two ways. You can turn off your computer, throw out this other woman’s phone number, and try to repair the damage that’s been done to your marriage. Get into counseling with your wife. Surely you loved her when you married her? If not, why two children? Why stay married for so long?
Or, you can divorce your wife before you get any more involved with this woman. Be legally single, providing support for your wife and children, before taking any more steps toward bringing this woman into your life. Once single, then call her, meet her, get to know her. My bet is once you spend time together one or the other of you will find that the fantasy of being together is much better than the reality.
You asked for my advice. I’m telling you what I think. It’s your life and I’m sure you’ll do what you want to do. Worrying about hurting this other woman is much less important than worrying about the damage you’ll be doing to your wife and children. They need you. She can always find someone else who will feel sorry for her situation and hopefully the next man won’t be married or involved in a committed relationship.
Life is full of choices. I hope you make the right one.