I hadn’t dated much when I got married the first time and coming out of a long-term marriage, I really wasn’t too savvy when I dove into the dating pool. Luckily, on my first dive I met Mr. Right.
We dated steadily for a couple years and progressed to that “plateau” that all long term relationships eventually get to. The one where it’s decision time: commitment or not. When we couldn’t avoid it any longer, we had a talk. Or, he talked and I felt like crying but didn’t.
He wasn’t ready for commitment, he didn’t want to take our relationship further, he wanted out, and so he went. I probably did cry when I was alone but I was determined that if he or his friends ever saw me they’d always see me laughing and having a good time. If I had a broken heart, no one was going to know it. And if he expected me to call and beg him to come back, he was in for a major surprise.
We weren’t living together but we lived on the same block and he had to drive past my house in order to get to his. I started staying out late even if I was spending time by myself at the mall or the movies so that my car was gone most of the time. I let my single friends know that I was single and looking. I dated but not seriously.
Mutual friends were letting me know that he was spending a lot of time alone and, no, he wasn’t dating. I made sure they knew I was dating and spending very little time alone. A couple times we ended up at the same events and I focused my attention on other men and made sure he could see I was having a great time without him. He didn’t know how good an actress I was.
It was a couple months before he called just to wish me a happy holiday. I asked if he’d like to spend it with me. Within the year we were married.
The lesson learned was “Don’t be desperate and clingy if a lover says goodbye.” You can’t make someone love you, they have to decide that for themselves. The best way to hurry up the process is to get back out into circulation and let them realize that if they wait too long, you’ll be gone for good.
Oh, and that marriage lasted as long as it should have and maybe a little longer. But at least we got past that dating plateau.