He wrote requesting information about alienation of affection lawsuits. That’s not what he called it but that’s what he was looking for because he wanted to take his wife’s lover to court for breaking up his marriage.
It’s very easy to understand his need for revenge. We’ve all been there at some point after our marriage has failed. But revenge is rarely, if ever, the answer. What I responded to him could apply to many situations where a spouse wants revenge on the third person in their marriage.
I said:
I know you’re heartbroken, angry, and want revenge for what you feel has been stolen from you. Those are all true and justifiable feelings. Everyone goes through them.
Stop to think for a moment about the woman you love and what you’re seeking revenge for. When the TWO of you took your marriage vows, you both pledged to love one another in SICKNESS and in health. It doesn’t matter what temptations she faced, she wasn’t strong enough in her love for you to stick by her vows.
This man did not hogtie her and drag her away from you. She walked willingly. It was her choice to get involved with him. What makes it even more devastating is that she did it at a time when you needed her the most. Other women face the same temptations but say ‘no’ because they would never think of cheating on the man to whom they are committed.
The same goes for men who cheat on their wives — and the men who, given the same options, don’t. They truly understand the full depth of commitment and how true love works.
Do you really want to exact revenge on this man who revealed the truth about the strength of your wife’s commitment to your marriage? No doubt you do, but would a woman who doesn’t love you through all the lows and highs be worth fighting for?
The quicker you move through this dark time and get past these people who have a lower set of moral values than you do, the sooner you will discover the reason WHY this happened. Ultimately, the reason always makes sense.
You’re right about how you think love should be. Choosing a partner who shares the exact same moral code and strength of love can be very elusive and you won’t know until after the two of you make the commitment what the strength of that commitment will be in the future.
Standing further from the base isn’t a bad idea when you’re talking about making the most important move in your life. It won’t keep all the wild pitches from missing you but at least you’ll be more alert and learn to dodge quicker.
A last note: This is my opinion about your situation and anything you do has to be based upon your feelings, not mine.