Dating is difficult. It can be fun, it can be exciting, it can make you feel good about yourself. Dating can also be confusing and even deadly. It’s particularly intimidating when you’re the left behind spouse, the discarded husband or wife.
One of the biggest problems with dating is that each person may have different expectations when they date. Some people want a good time and nothing more. Some people expect a lifetime commitment from the first date.
When two people date it is not an automatic commitment. Dating is the “test” period when couples learn whether or not they should stay together for the long term or keep on looking for their “true love”. Even if sex is involved it does not mean love is attached.
Dating is like taking a dance class. You don’t end the class paired with the first person with whom you danced. You dance with many partners, some who are good dancers, some who aren’t so good. If you’re lucky, one of those dance partners is going to dance to your same style and rhythm and the two of you will decide that just dancing in class is not enough time together.
Other dancers may have thought you were their perfect partner, and their feelings may have been hurt when you didn’t respond the same way. But, picking a dance partner can’t be based on whether or not you hurt someone’s feelings any more than you should continue to date just because the other person has different expectations than you do.
It takes more than a couple dates to really “know” someone. That’s why first, second, third, fourth, even twentieth dates just aren’t enough upon which to base a lifetime commitment. It takes time for lust to turn to love, for the fireworks to dim to a reasonable glow, for reality to take over.
When we date we show our best side; given enough time our “real” self will begin to surface. In too many instances people marry while they’re still on their “best” behavior and when they “get real” they’re steps away from divorce.
After divorce, some people desperately want to grab onto the first person who treats them kindly and turn them into their lifetime soul mate. Others want sex with no strings, fun without commitment. Neither is wrong until the person needing commitment mistakes sex with no strings as love. If both daters aren’t on the same page, it can be the start of a very disappointing, and painful, relationship.