It’s a wonderful thing to be in love with another person and to have them return that love. It’s a comfortable place to be, knowing that no matter how badly things go wrong, there is one other person who will be there to offer words of comfort, who will walk by your side for support.
It’s the perfect love we all seek, the perfect partner, the one who makes us complete. Our soulmate. It’s not the love we always find. Sometimes the love we give is returned in a betrayal, or a harsh word, or a brutal blow.
Love is not always perfect. When you love someone, it is impossible to turn off that love even when the relationship has been legally ended by divorce. It just doesn’t happen.
It may seem that some people are able to get over love quickly, but they may have already been distancing themselves during the marriage itself. That puts them farther along in the “moving on” part of the breakup than the person who is still in love and committed to the marriage when it ends.
There are couples who have divorced, married others, and then remarried after years of trying to find happiness elsewhere. Even after divorce, there is always a chance truly “destined” couples will unite once again.
Putting your life on hold, waiting for him or her to return, is no way to live your current life. Like watched pots, most ex-mates don’t truly discover the value of the person they have left until someone else has entered the picture and laid claim to them. Many times they are too late in their discovery and their ex-mate is gone for good.
Most “experts” agree that attempting to do any serious (commitment oriented) dating during the first year after the legal divorce is a foolish move. From personal experience I would have to agree, although I wouldn’t have agreed at the time.
That first year, your emotions are still too tangled and you’re just not ready to get into a solid relationship. You have an extremely strong, and sometimes urgent, need for someone to comfort and hold you. Many times you receive that comfort from the most available person(s), not necessarily the best person(s) for you in the long term.
My Recommendation?
Take each day as it comes.
Don’t force yourself to feel or not feel love.
Devote yourself to your child or children if you have them.
Forgive your ex (and yourself) for the trauma you have caused each other over the years.
There is no timetable for getting over a relationship. There is no timetable for finding new love or renewing an old one. If you enjoy life, if you develop interests that excite YOU, and if you understand that the life you have today is the only one you’re going to get (at least in this physical world) you’ll get past this.
The passage of time is an interesting phenomenon. When we’re unhappy, moments drag on as though they were days. When we’re happy, days pass as though they were the briefest of moments.