“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” — Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart.
Some time ago, I read a letter in an Ann Landers advice column from a woman who returned her wedding ring to her ex-husband a few years after their divorce. Whether or not he was going to give it to someone else was immaterial. She returned it because it had been passed down through his family and there was sentimental value attached to it for him.
She returned the ring even though she had every right to keep it, sell it, or melt it down. Her gracious act got her a new respect from her ex along with a dozen red roses for being such a lady when so many women won’t have been.
Could you have done the same? Would you have been able to return your wedding ring to your ex-husband, regardless of the sentimental value he placed on it outside of the obvious marital sentiment? Wouldn’t a wife have every right to expect that once the ring was on her finger, it was hers forever?
There is much to be said for forgiveness, but there is a time for anger before forgiveness can begin. Anger because of a life thrown into chaos. Anger because of dreams lost. Anger because of vows betrayed. Anger that he or she didn’t commit to a life together in the same way in which you did.
Anger cannot be the fuel that propels you for the rest of your life. It will color the way others see you, and it will be your own worst enemy if you let it rule your life. Anger is fine as long as it isn’t obsessive.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” — Buddha
Give in to anger because your marriage has died. Anger is normal and it is a part of the healing process. Give in to it. Scream and shout. And then move on. Don’t make anger a constant companion. If you do, there will be no room for anyone else in your life.
This is such a temporary time in your life. You will see that later and you will be amazed at your own capabilities to handle such things. Above all, take care of yourself.