There comes a time when we all need to consider the role we played in the demise of our marriage. While it won’t make divorce any less hurtful, it may make acceptance a little easier.
What role did you play?
Were you oblivious to the way you and your spouse were growing apart over the years, that your interests were no longer the same?
Did you assume that if you were happy in the marriage that your spouse was, too? Did you ever ask?
Did you assume that if there were problems that your spouse would tell you how he or she felt?
Did you assume that if your spouse didn’t object to decisions you made, that he or she was in agreement with them?
Did you allow yourself to be abused instead of standing up to your abuser?
If your spouse was addicted to alcohol or drugs, did you enable them by accepting their addiction instead of insisting they get help to overcome their addiction? Did you do anything to stop your enabling behavior?
Could you and your spouse talk about issues that were bothering either of you, or was communication a problem between the two of you?
Was intimacy an important aspect of your marriage or something that happened if or when one of you pushed for it?
Did your relationship prior to marriage begin with a strong friendship which turned to love, or did it start with lust which lead to marriage?
Did you get married too young or too quickly after meeting? Was your marriage a result of an unplanned pregnancy?
There are many reasons a spouse may decide to leave a marriage. If he or she does walk out the door, take some time to reflect on the over-all health of the marriage. If you’re still married but unsure of your marriage, ask yourself the questions above, then talk to your spouse. If your marriage is worth saving, start doing the necessary repairs. If not, accept that it’s over and learn from your mistakes.