When a man or woman walks away from a marriage, their actions may leave family and friends doubting their sanity as well as questioning their motives. What is often crystal clear to the person who leaves is lost to those who remain.
Some marriages begin for the wrong reasons. Perhaps an unexpected pregnancy that binds together two ill-prepared and unsuited people. Or marriage too soon before the dating “masks” come off to reveal the true people beneath. Or it’s “the right thing to do” because each feels an obligation to family or some other motivation that has nothing to do with lifetime commitment between two people. Perhaps it was a spur of the moment decision because “everyone else” was doing it.
Even good marriages can take a wrong turn. She has a certain vision for their life. He has a different vision. His needs and her needs change and they’re out of sync with each other. Raising a family becomes more important than renewing the dynamics of the relationship between the two of them.
Leaving doesn’t come easily. The decision to leave a marriage isn’t made in an instant. It may take years to work up the courage to make a decision that will impact so many lives. Should she stay for the children? Should he stay to keep the family together? Will things get better over time? What if nothing changes for the better?
There are times decisions may be easier. When the children are grown. When the finances are more stable. When certain obligations have ended. Or there may be no “right” time for such a decision.
Marriages die for many reasons. Marriages die because the people involved fall out of love or never really were in love. The couple may have moved past their common interests and never gained new ones. The bonds that brought them together no longer work to hold them together.
A woman in an abusive marriage may have reached her “enough is enough” point. A man married to an alcoholic may have reached his “I can’t live this way any longer” point. One too many adulteries may push the betrayed spouse to a divorce attorney.
Not every marriage will last a lifetime. The decision to divorce is one that most people don’t make lightly despite outward appearances. Your decision should be based on your needs not what someone else considers the best for you.
Decisions don’t have time limits on them, they can be made next week, next month, next year. Some decisions to leave can be reversed; others cannot. Decide wisely. Make sure that what you think you want isn’t less than what you already have.