She says her recent credit card debt has her husband acting cold and indifferent. When her husband’s first marriage ended, he lost everything and he says her new debt shows they don’t have the same goals in their relationship. She thinks his age, late 40s, has a lot to do with his thinking. She wonders if the marriage is going to end.
I said:
Are you happy in this marriage? What made you spend so much money knowing how he feels about being in debt? Do you still share the same goal? Do you know what that goal is? Is it time to set new goals for the next ten years?
I don’t know if you’re going to lose him, however, every day that the two of you don’t talk, your marriage is in that much more danger.
No doubt he feels angry, helpless and not in control as a result of your spending, believing that you will do the same thing again and again. If you have done something similar in the past, he has a valid concern.
I would like to think that your marriage is worth more than $6,000. While that is a great deal of money, and repaying credit card charges of that amount can be exceptionally draining, if the two of you truly love each other, it can be done.
You must start the dialogue! You cannot accomplish anything without talking through the anger and hurt. If he loves you, he wants this resolved as much as you do. If you love him, you’ll do whatever it takes to start the dialogue.
You say he “implies” that he does not want to be in the same situation he was in before. The two of you must talk in real terms about the current situation. Perhaps you will need to do this with a counselor or a mediator. Do not draw friends or family into this situation as they can only make it worse.
This may be a terrible time for you, but divorce is even worse. Anything you can do to prevent it will be worth it.