The Girl’s Guide to Absolutely Everything
The Girl’s Guide to Absolutely Everything by Melissa Kirsch is a hefty book, 478 pages in size, written for women in their 20s and 30s. It could certainly be a third less pages but then the nicely done typography and graphics would have to go and that would pretty much destroy the easy reading of this book.
The Girl’s Guide to Absolutely Everything is crammed with useful information on every topic a woman would need and/or want to know from health to work to fashion to manners to friends to love and more. Mixed in with the easy to read information and tips are websites, recommended books, authorities on various topics.
The following is an excerpt from The Girl’s Guide to Absolutely Everything by Melissa Kirsch, Published by Workman Publishing; November 2006.
The Big Electronic Boyfriend Warehouse
The world being as vast as it is, any environment that narrows the pool of potential boyfriends is a boon. You’re more likely to meet a fellow hiker if you join your local chapter of the Sierra Club; or it it’s a nice Jewish boy you’re after, you’ve got a better chance of finding him at the temple singles night than at your local watering hole. My friend Tabitha met her current boyfriend at a pig roast for her college alumni association; another friend met her husband while waiting to be admitted to the emergency room (hey, they had a lot of time on their hands).
But waiting around to have a broken femur set is hardly the most efficient way to meet like-minded guys. The best resource for finding a date today is the Internet. As a proponent of dating in general, I’m an unabashed advocate of online personals. The stigma of desperation that personal ads once bore has faded, replaced by the sensible wisdom that one significantly ups one’s chances of getting a date is one is actively pursuing dating in as many forums as possible. Who doesn’t have a friend — an attractive, unsleazy, smart and infinitely dateable friend — who met her boyfriend or husband via online personals?
Myspace, Friendster and other “social networking” Web sites give you access to all your friends’ friends, and even their friends, in a virtual cocktail party setting that makes meeting pre-approved potential dates all the more efficient. These sites have nothing on sites like match.com, though, where you know the people there are definitely interested in dating.
The same principles of dating offline apply to the Internet realm but with a few notable additions. While the virtual love-seeking universe may seem to the real world what Monopoly money is to actual currency, the risk of miscommunication, time-wasting and heartache is just as prevalent, so listen closely.
Spend some time on your profile. Your profile is a tool to attract potential dates just as a résumé is a tool to attract potential employers. It should help you get your foot in the door and highlight your best qualities, but not go into too much detail — you can save that for the interview, or in this case, the date(s) themselves. It’s an advertisement for you, which is, granted, a little weird, but if you want your wit and verve to shine through, you need to take your time and do it right. Trying to convey you essence through answers to pre-fab questions may seem as appealing as taking a practice GRE, but try to relax. Remember that everyone is a little humbled at the prospect of posting a personal ad, but you’ve got to post the ad to get the dates.
Absolutely post a photo. There are already so many unknown variables when meeting someone online — whether two people will have good “chemistry” is nearly impossible to discern, even in the most thorough profiles — that not posting a photo compounds the mystery unnecessarily. Use a current picture that you like and that actually looks like you. (While you may love your professional air-brushed portrait, no one wins if the guy expects you to walk in looking like a Penthouse centerfold.)
On the other hand, don’t expect a guy to necessarily look like his photo. The biggest complaint I’ve heard from Internet dating veterans is that a blurry or artsy shot is usually obscuring a physical peculiarity. You’ve been warned.
Be a timely correspondent. The shelf life of relationships with people you don’t know is shorter than that of unpasteurized buttermilk. Answering promptly helps build the momentum that will lead to a real-world rendezvous. If you let messages pile up or take a meandering approach to writing back, the spark will cool and Romeo will move on the next flame. Quick and breezy, that’s the ticket.
After you’ve made contact, cut to the chase. Keep the e-mail exchange to a minimum. Once you’ve found someone with whom you think you might be compatible, he’s written you a droll e-mail or two, you’ve replied with some flirty missives of your own and you feel confident this person is of good stock, that he is not an ax murderer or unduly into Sandra Bullock movies, make a date. E-mail can be a glorious forum for flirting, but it’s easy to develop a crush on your newfound online beau and forget that you are not looking for a pen pal. Best to meet and see how you like this clown in the flesh before wasting another day of online bantering with a stranger who may turn out to be not-for-you in person.
Keep pre-date phone time to a minimum. Why use the phone at all? To set a time and place to meet up (which can quite easily be done via e-mail)? Okay, if you like, but it’s more information and contact than is really necessary. I know all this “Keep it quick, don’t talk on the phone” advice may sound cold, but there’s really no reason to devote too much time or energy to a relationship that could be over the second you lay eyes on the guy.
First date, short date. One drink is enough time to ascertain that he’s as fab as he appeared online, and it’s a short enough time that if he turns out to be a total cretin, you’re not stuck with someone you can’t stand 40 miles outside of town at an Oakland A’s game that goes into extra innings. You can have dinner, go kite flying, go for a hike — after you know you like each other. In fact, it’s not a bad idea to have plans with a friend so you have to cut and run (politely, of course) after one drink even if it’s going well, or at least have a good exit excuse up your sleep. Hanging out all night is what people do when they are sure they like each other. You can always extend the short date if it’s going smashingly; otherwise, spend just enough time with him to determine whether or not you want to see him again.
Remember: Online dating is a numbers game — you’ll find one keeper in ten dates if you’re lucky. Keep it light, don’t fall in love too quickly, and if a guy you were sure was going to be your new boyfriend turns out to be a jerk, on to the next.
Copyright © 2006 Melissa Kirsch