All of us have things that we absolutely can’t do. When we encounter certain situations and tell someone we “can’t” we are stating a fact, not being obstinate or difficult. “Can’t” works when we are unable to do something because of a physical, mental, emotional, financial, or other limitation that is totally out of our control.
When your spouse says “I can’t” how many times does it more accurately translate to “I won’t”?
“I can’t control my temper.” = “I won’t control my temper.”
“I can’t let her go.” = “I won’t let her go.”
“I can’t stop smoking.” = “I won’t stop smoking.”
“I can’t give you the affection you want.” = “I won’t give you the affection you want.”
“I can’t stop spending money we don’t have.” = “I won’t stop spending money we don’t have.”
“I can’t stop thinking about the past.” = “I won’t stop thinking about the past.”
“I can’t leave.” = “I won’t leave.”
“I can’t get over him.” = “I won’t get over him.”
“I can’t stop thinking about her.” = “I won’t stop thinking about her.”
“I can’t stop drinking.” = “I won’t stop drinking.”
“I can’t stop hitting you.” = “I won’t stop hitting you.”
“I can’t forgive you.” = “I won’t forgive you.”
“And, for those I have missed, fill in the blanks: “I can’t stop____________.” = “I won’t stop_______________.”
Would you still excuse his or her behavior if your spouse said “I won’t” instead of “I can’t”? How about if “I can’t” became “I choose not to,” because it’s a choice a person makes when they won’t do something. Wouldn’t it make you angry that he or she didn’t love you enough to do whatever it took to make the marriage a success?
Don’t you deserve better? It’s your choice. Take control of your life. If you say “I can’t,” you’re really saying you choose not to.